What'’s new with Harry?

Well, it's not exactly new but for the past couple of weeks Harry has been able to do the motions for Itsy Bitsy Spider!

It seems to be his current favorite song. And he has favorites- just ask anyone in his swim class! He lets the class know if they start to sing a song he likes.

If we are in the car and he gets cranky because he has an important meeting to get too and we get stuck in traffic or he drops his cell, all you have to do is go into a rendition of Itsy Bitsy (Eensy Beensy is the British version) and his eyes light up and his hands start moving. It'’s very cool!

He also still prefers books to trucks, dogs to cats, cell phones to land lines, moving to sitting and pureed spinach & carrots (combo) to soy mac & cheese.

Blueberries rule in his world, as does the butterfly music button on his songbook.

One last note, his bike was in the living room today, rather than the garage, in preparation to take it to Cape May with us for the weekend. He went nuts when he saw it. We almost couldn't get him to go to school, which never happens. He even asked for his helmet...then insisted on a couple of laps around the living room!

The 100 Acre Wood

Back to pooh. I know a couple of you were curious.

During my adult years, I have not been a fan of the Pooh gang. I liked them as a child, but as an adult they struck me as neurotic.

Each one has an issue.

Tigger is kind of fun…but I suppose he could use some Ritalin.

Eeyore…ugh!

And Rabbit- what’s his deal?

Pooh’s voice is just too much for me. So blah. And that honey obsession. What’s that about?

It seemed to me that children should have toys that were happy. Surround them with happiness. Happy, happy, happy. Happiness breeds more happiness.

I guess I thought a room full of Tiggers would be cool.

In all of my vast wisdom, it had not occurred that children have many moods, and they are not equipped to deal with them all, hence, the temper tantrum



Harry was having some trouble sorting through his emotions the other night. It ended up being his clinically depressed Eeyore doll that seemed to help him through.

The Eeyore doll was a Halloween treat (along with a banana) from the Wagners. It is a good toy. The ears flap up and down and it sings, albeit a bit sadly. Very “woe is me.” But know what? At my point of recognition, Harry was very “Woe is me.”

If he could have expressed himself more eloquently, he may have said “I am sad. I am a baby and I am not able to do the things I want to do. I want to talk on the phone and not go to sleep. It’s not fair!”

Some other internet blogs tell me

“...When most people think of Winnie the Pooh written by A.A. Milne, they tend to think of childhood and innocence. What one does not realize is that the fantasy characters of Winnie the Pooh have just as many problems as the characters of Married with Children do. The innocence of these childhood stories hides the disorders that the main characters suffer from.”

I guess I am a bit jaded, because what I see is not only a "silly old bear," (but) a bear with an eating disorder called obesity.

Christopher Robin's imagination never fails to run wild with adventures. He is definitely the most creative and intelligent little boy, but he also shows symptoms of schizophrenia.

Tigger sure is a happy and bubbly character! How can any one put up with him? He never stops moving. Today we would treat Tiggers behavior as attention deficit hyper active disorder (ADHD).

Eeyore: that poor soul. How does he live with himself? He never fails to have his head down. Perhaps a doctor should prescribe him with medication for manic depression (I would disagree here…Eeyore is not bipolar, just depressed).

Rabbit is another case. Is he ever not worried about his garden or angry at his friends in the one hundred acre wood? Can it be that Rabbit has anger management disorder and is a worry wart? (Let’s have Jack Nicholson play him in the movie).

Last but not least is little Piglet. He is constantly shaking. The way he shakes makes him look like a chi wa wa. It seems he suffers of a Phobia of everything. I am not trying to play a psychiatrist, but, "A.A. Milne didn't write the Pooh stories and poems for children but instead intended them for the child within us."

Or, as I see now, to help Children identify with their emotions.

I know older kids did this with Harry Potter after 9/11 (one Newsweek article mentioned kids feeling like “Voldemort was rising”).

Another blog breaks things down in the following way:

1. Pooh sits thinking, when Tigger surprisingly enters and "bounces" Pooh. Bouncing established as the focal behavior. Pooh is established as very sympathetic, but Tigger is introduced as obnoxious.

Perhaps as an ADHD kid myself, I could not identify with why Tigger was obnoxious.

Tigger was great!

Full of energy and very happy.

The others were just big lumps.

I guess if kids can become aware that Tigger is a little too bouncy for his own good, it may help them behave a bit better…

2. A reprise of 1, wherein Tigger bounces Piglet. Establishes Rabbit as the "antagonist" ("I'm savin' my best bounce for old longears").

I could easily identify with why Rabbit was a pain in the ass. I’d save my best bounce for him too! Okay, perhaps this is still how my mind works. Maybe the morale here is that you should not be an angry, self-important freak like Rabbit, because people don’t like that.

3. Tigger bounces Rabbit, and causes general destruction, which he doesn't even recognize as the result of his behavior. Tigger is characterized as insensitive to others. Bouncing is firmly established as something "bad."

There is a time and a place to bounce, and it is important to think about the results of our actions and their affects on others.

4. A meeting is held. It emphasizes Rabbit's perspective (Pooh sleeps), and begins to establish Rabbit as an "anal" personality and less than sympathetic (vs. Pooh's attractive detachment, and Piglet's role as "follower"). Rabbit develops the "big explore" idea to humiliate Tigger out of bouncing. But the idea of retribution is unpleasant.

Summary: The conflict established in part I is between childishness (and irresponsibility, represented by Tigger) and adulthood (with a hint of self-righteousness, portrayed by Rabbit). We are left with a degree of tension and uncertainty.

Sounds like something 20 year olds should read instead.

Part II

1. The big explore begins, during which Pooh's incessant need for honey is pointed out. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh "lose" Tigger (through Tigger's own enthusiasm -- he bounds ahead of them). Their cold-heartedness is emphasized when they hide in the log to make sure Tigger remains lost. Our sympathy for Tigger is at a high point, and for Rabbit at a low point.

What about our sympathy for Pooh? He needs intervention. He is an addict! This is a great example of why addictions are bad! I may go out and pick up a copy of the book today!

2. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh attempt to return home but discover they are lost (as dramatically represented by the walking-in-circles gag). There is a strong sense that Rabbit is not "in touch" (vs. Pooh who is). Rabbit comes off as pompous. Yet we do feel some sympathy: It is clear that Rabbit can only see things his way.

Rabbit needs to open his mind a little. Pooh is a little too open. Perhaps he hung out a few too many times with “Uncle Timmy”?

3. Piglet and Pooh return home through Pooh's tummy homing device. Rabbit's inability to deal with things on a more immediate basis is explained by Pooh: "I didn't hear them (the honey pots) before because Rabbit would talk."

Rabbit is apparently a buzz kill. Good lesson for young Harrison: Don’t be a buzz kill! Oh- back to being a cynic I guess…ignore that last part…Although, no one likes a buzz kill. Maybe we could just focus on Rabbit…

This may be a good lesson for 3 year olds. I know Kevin is pretty intolerant of the 3-6 year old set. They don’t stop talking! They are also very self-important. The view of Rabbit could be a good lesson.

4. They are bounced by Tigger, who is not at all lost (the splendid idea has failed). So, paradoxically, the dumb one "can't get lost," while the smart one can. Tigger goes off to find Rabbit.

Perhaps the great big fat giant lesson here is that just because people make it a priority to keep in good physical shape and remain in good spirits, this does not mean they are stupid. There are many sad, self-important folks out there who would have you believe the president is stupid and Tigger-like. Tigger’s not the one who’s lost. And it’s the Democrats who wig out at conventions. I bet Tigger also can catch a football better than Rabbit - Wait…what was I talking about?

5. Rabbit is thoroughly lost, and in a high tension segment, his mind begins to play tricks on him, until he too is found and bounced. He is dragged home in complete humiliation.

Summary: The contrast between "adult" and "child" is further explored, with the pluses of childlike instinct and the minuses of adult thinking/talking/scheming emphasized.

Hmmm…childlike instinct…

Part III

1. Roo and Tigger go off to play. Establishes bouncing as fun, emphasized by Kanga's adult overconcern. Tigger seen in a clear new light.

I have always liked Roo.

2. Skating scene: Rabbit enjoys himself skating. Tigger, in a typical display of bravado, imitates Rabbit only to cause, once again, a disaster for poor Rabbit. A reminder of Tigger's negative side: the braggado and the excuse "Tiggers don't like ice-skating." Legitimacy of Rabbit's perspective maintained.

I am not familiar with this scene. Again, I bet Tigger can catch a football.

3. Roo and Tiger continue their search for "what Tiggers do best," resulting in the reckless climbing of the tree. Tigger is terrified by the results of his actions. In light of his recklessness, this terror seems like "just desserts."

Look before you leap!

4. In a light-hearted side-piece, Pooh and Piglet track themselves and eventually discover Tigger and Roo's dilemma.

5. Everyone (Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Rabbit, and especially Christopher Robin) come to Tigger and Roo's aid. In his fear, Tigger makes a promise never to bounce again, and Rabbit insists they take him up on it. In a bizarre side gag, the narrator saves Tigger.

6. In the last moments of the story, we go through Tigger's ultimate humiliation. Note how annoying the continued smirk on Rabbit's face becomes, and the effect of Tigger's true sadess. Significantly, the child (Roo) is the one who brings up the value of the "old Tigger." An outpouring of sympathy from the other characters (and the audience) puts pressure on Rabbit to rescind his demands. Tigger bounces Rabbit and encourages all to bounce with him.

Funning they should mention annoying smirks. Probably some eye-rolling on Rabbit’s part too.

Summary: The child's perspective wins over the adult. But both Tigger and Rabbit are forgiven their excesses. We have a happy ending and complete closure.

I think somewhere along the way I turned this into a political satire. I didn’t mean to, but I was enjoying myself. (Tiggers bounce!)

Point being, there are a lot of good lessons here. There are a lot of different personalities. Most children’s books do not present these types of complex emotions and conflicts to work out. I think I will pick up a copy today.

For the record, I was wrong about Milne’s book. I forgot the important lessons it has to offer, and I forgot that not everyone is happy all of the time. Too much bouncing can tire you out.

What's New?

I am still working on my blog about Pooh, as well as one on the other end of the spectrum about fairy tale classics. While reading Little Red Riding Hood tonight, I was all set for Granny to jump out of the closet and kick some ass. But no. The Woodsman shows up to save them. Where's the girl power? And what was Red doing listening to a strange voice in the woods? I don't like the message here. I also don't think Jack was a very good boy when he stole teh Golden Goose, or the depiction of little blond girls in Goldilocks. More on this later.

In the meantime...

Guess who is toddle-ing?? HARRY! He takes lots of steps. And the best part about his Frankenstein like walking: he does his monster growls while doing it! Very entertaining!

He can also get himself onto his picnic table. It is cool to see him swing his legs around once he climbs up. He also now spins his sippy cup around so that he drinks it from the correct side. I am just amazed by all of this! It's so cool!

Dogs.

Harry loves dogs. He loves our dog. He loves pictures of dogs. He loves books about dogs.

His favorite book at the moment is “Perritos, “ a Spanish version of Sandra Boynton’s counting book “Doggies.”

For some reason, I thought it made sense to not only introduce him to other languages before he could speak in proper English sentences, but to introduce him to foreign animal sounds. So, we now have a child who crawls around the house saying “Jau!” instead of “Woof, woof.”

Of course, ironically, his favorite sound comes from the beagle looking dog in the book: “nnn…nnn…nnn.” I have no idea what it is that we are reading to him, but he seems to respond.

I was so wrong about Pooh. Please consider this my formal apology. I feel very stupid.
More to follow...

3 times and counting!

I get to be a "single mom" again! Twice in the past month! And three times in the past year!!! Of course, Harry is asleep now, so does that still count?

I am kidding. I am just responding to Kevin's blogs, which he never ceases to amaze me with. He is such a great dad and a wonderful husband! I honestly do not know what I would do without him. And with a 25 pound baby and a fear of the dark, I would have not only bigger chiropractic bills but I imagine I'd need some therapy to get over my phobia. Harry is a lot better now, but when he was a baby, his eyes always looked so huge and glaring in the middle of the night. I won't go into the details my imagination created. I have been trying not to watch any sci-fi or any horror movies to worsen my condition, but movie previews are unavoidable, and that's all it takes.

My statement about being "single mom" also reminds me of something I heard a guy say the other day. He was home with his kid and said he was "playing mom" for a couple of hours. "Playing mom." I didn;t quiet understand what he meant. Was he sticking a boob in the kid's mouth? How else woudl he be "playing mom"? I guess in his world, that meant hanging out in the backyard spending some time with his child. I like that Kevin refers to such behavior as "being a dad."

So, Kevin is at Kris's tonight. Even though we don't have the opportunity to spend as much time together as we would like, I think it is still important to maintain your friendships. I am really much more of a forest-thinker than a tree-thinker. I am trying to avoid empty nest syndrome as much as possible.

I am only half kidding.

I also worry that he does so much at work, for me, for Harry, and so little for himself, that he is on the way to a nervous breakdown. He says I am nuts, but I am just being cautious. I'd like to keep him around for a good long while.

I have suggested that I could take Harry by myself to some of Harry's classes, to give Kevin some free time, but this is also something he doesn't understand. We like to both take him to his classes, and both do things together for him. We both WANT to go to his classes. But, you know what? We do not seem to be the only ones. At most classes, probably half of the class has two parents. I have to exclude swim class from this one, but I have a feeling that has more to do with the pool than the kids!

As for our own activities...generally, I think extracurricular activities are good for your own mental health, and the mental health of a couple/family. Plus, children learn by example. I think that it is important that he sees his parents as active people. I believe we do spend lots of enjoyable quality time with him, and our lives are not always chaotic and crazy. There are other times when we go to activities. I think it is important for Harry to see that. I think it is important for him to see his dad go to play hockey, and for me to go to Krav Maga. I think half of the reason I am training for my next marathon is so that Harry can remember that I did it. I think it is very important that he sees us read books, and kiss, and laugh, and work out arguments (which we didn't seem to ever have before sleep deprivation kicked in!).

I think it is important to see that we still do things for Bailey. Sure, she is a dog. Dogs have feelings, too, but even if you do not believe that, you should at least be aware that what Harry knows is Bailey is another person, and it is important to do things for others, like take Bailey to the dog park, let her have her own toys, and stay out of her bed.

I am sure Bailey would laugh out loud if she could read this. I am sure if she could write, if she had thumbs, she would pace outside of our house with picket signs claiming neglect. It's all in the perception, though. We probably left her alone just as often before, but it was to suit our own purposes. How things have changed!

My friend May was asking the other day what happened to happy hours, late nights, etc...I think the straight answer is more likely that we got older, and are exhausted when the weekend comes regardless of the little ones. I do wonder what happened to long runs, weekend Krav Maga and movies. This weekend, so far, was made up of The Little Gym, Muffins at St. Elmo's, a trip to the park, and some time by the pool. Tomorrow, swim class...hmmm....Take out the "little" part and that was pretty much our old schedule! Except now they are all Harry's activities! Honestly though, he's a great excuse to be outside, and his arms are getting darker than mine!

The Little Gym has replaced Gymboree, which has replaced multiple Krav sessions and Saturday yoga with Tara. I still try to keep up with the latter, and we still like Gymboree, but The Little Gym has actual gymnastics equiptment,a nd offers Harry more of a chance to be upside down, tumble and improve his physical prowess. He even took a few steps today! It is also nice to get him away from his cell phone every now and then. I thought I felt like a chauffer before...when I picked himup Friday, all he did was talk on the phone. I don't think he spoke more than a few words to me teh whole ride, except to say, "Driver, could you turn down the radio!" Based on his body language, intonations, and the focus of his eyes, you would havethought there was actually someone on the other end!

Back to our weekend..muffins at St. Elmo's...back to DelRay! Sure, we used to live there, and I mean St. Elmo's Coffee Pub as much as I mean Delray! But now we make a bigger mess...

And by the park...not the dog park or the trail..the PLAYGROUND! It occurred to me that Harry might be ready. Oh, was he?! We will have to post some shots of him on the swings! He had a blast! And, as usually, he love s to watch what the older kids do.

As for the pool...well, it's a blow up elephant pool, a birthdy gift from the Brockways. His first expression as he hit the cold water was priceless! He immediately crawled out...and then turned around and crawled right back in! He spent at least another hour in there! Crazy kid!

We do hope to join a pool this summer though. I think it will be fun for all of us. The down time at home is great, but I think being cooped up behind a fence all summer may be a bit much to handle! Harry loves his backyard, but I think we might get more giggles from the swim club!

Okay... So it's been a while since my last post of "...more reflections on Harry's first year to come."

The thing is, he seems to know that he's on to a new phase already, and has seriously upped his game. Just when I thought I really had things figured out and relatively stable, he's gone and changed all the rules.

You out there who have older kids I'm sure are thinking to yourselves "Ha ha... you think THIS is bad, just wait until [insert milestone here] happens. Then you're REALLY screwed!"

A few examples...

Kim is very happy to point out a few "new" things in Harry's world. Let's have a look at them and their consequences:

He can feed himself with a spoon...well, almost!
This one is certainly one of my early favorites. Especially the almost part. Harry's meals which were finally getting some semblance of regularity and decorum, now tend to be wrestling matches over who gets the spoon that almost always end with Bailey happily licking yogurt splatters off of the wall.
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...Usually.
Another good one. Now that he's moved away from bottles, there are very few items that will immediately soothe him, and bring him back down from a highly elevated state of hysteria (more on the hysteria and related antics later)

He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
This one is actually kind of fun. Harry got a very nice monogrammed LL Bean backpack from Uncle Bryan & Aunt Anna recently, and he now carries his own lunch to school each morning. Score one for me... one less thing for me to carry.

His car seat can face forward- legally.
Facing forward is nice for him, as now he can actually see what's going on. Even more, if he doesn't like what's going on, it's much easier for him to try to kick your elbow... just in case you didn't hear him screaming. As well, many had complimented the vast assembly of mirrors we used to have going to be able to make eye contact with the little guy while en route. Now the only way to see him is to re-align the rear-view mirror down, but sufficient that you can't see anything else... like what's behind you. That, or simply turn around, in which case you can no longer see what's in front of you. Pick your poison.

He has a bike (that we steer).
Another one that's kind of fun. Interesting sidenotes here are that 1) his legs are still a bit too short to reach the pedals, so his feet tend to wander toward the turning front wheel... not so much fun when they get tangled, however Kim seems to have resolved that with his new shoes, and 2) as previously mentioned, he certainly has inherited the McDermott oversized melon, such that he's effectively skipped over the entire range of toddler-sized helmets and had to go with a youth size. This has got to be good for the testosterone-laced psyche though... skull & crossbone decals are much cooler than little yellow flowers.

He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box.
Always good to begin the concept of cross-training early. As you may have imagined, the motor skills to climb out of the pool also come in handy for climbing out of the tub, up the stairs, and over just about anything put in his way to keep him fenced in.

So as you can see, while these are all good things, they all come at a price. Which brings us back to the hysterics discussion.

Harry also seems to have figured out how to throw a temper tantrum. I give the boy credit, he's certainly picked up on this skill very quickly and is able to put it to use very effectively. He's gotten good at making sure they come up out of nowhere, and has even mastered the "stop... drop... and roll around on the floor kicking and screaming" move that most kids can't pull off for another year. He's also mastered the variable rate... they can last anywhere from a few minutes, to several hours, depending mostly on who's turn it is to pick him up (only while standing... sit down with him and it's back to writhing and screaming) or how long it takes for him to figure out no one's paying attention.

Then there's the happy, giggly end of the spectrum. He may be able to scream louder and cry harder than ever, but he also laughs and plays like a pro. He's able to figure out when playtime is, what playtime is, and how much fun his whack-job parents really can be (okay, so Kim's MUCH sillier, goofier, and funnier with him than I will ever be, but who really would've guessed otherwise).

I think this is another one of those things that people think you have to savor. Reason being, that one day seemingly like clockwork, your kids will decide they hate you, and that your only purpose here on Earth is to make them completely miserable.

I think I can speak for both of us in saying that it's not really a goal of ours, but more of an assumption, that we don't plan on this becoming a problem. Naive? Some may say so, but I think it's more of a poorly established trend that can be avoided.

Looking back on the first year of Harry's World, I've re-read a lot of the articles and opinions that Kim has posted about trends in mothering. Now that we know a lot more parents and parents-to-be, I think we have a new perspective on how to be parents, and what that means. At the same time, I've been thinking about the fathering role, and really wonder how so many guys have screwed up so badly that it's almost an accepted concept that dads are irresponsible, out-of-touch, and generally aloof when it comes to their kids. Is it easier that way? I seriously can't imagine that it's more fun...

For example, last weekend I spent the greater part of the day at a surprise 40th birthday party for a good friend of mine at an Orioles game in Baltimore. This was one of, if not the, first extended amount of time that I had spent doing something recreationally away from Kim and Harry. I think the "lost" feeling I had for most of the day could easily be compared to what most Dad's feel when they are alone with their kids... and something tells me everyone could see it on my face. I found myself checking out other peoples' strollers, confirming diaper changing stations in the men's room, and constantly calling Kim to see if Harry had taken a nap yet and what he had for lunch.

So now we've begun Lap 2.

The large motor skills are really starting to take shape, and some finer ones are making themselves visible as well. The vocabulary seems to be building, just waiting for the muscles to figure it all out. I can't wait to hear what he has to say...

I can only hope that it's not something silly like "Daddy can I play baseball?"

Ideology, not reality.

I am currently reading Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is an autistic adult with a PhD in Animal Science that I first learned about in Oliver Sacks's An Anthropologist on Mars. Her musings on B.F. Skinner and Ivar Lovaas take me back to my college days. Both were icons. In the world of Animal Science, as well as in the Autistic Community, Grandin is an icon. Her insights into animal behavior have revolutionized slaughter houses. More than half of the slaughterhouses in North America have used Grandin's designs, including ones used by Wendy's, McDonald's and Burger King.

So, you are thinking, "Isn't Kim a permissive vegan? Where is she going with this?" Well, I have never been to a slaughterhouse. I first became a vegetarian in high school after reading Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. The Army man on the plane home from Atlanta today has been to one. He doesn't recommend them. He can appreciate Grandin's techniques though. She thinks that as an autistic person, she thinks more like animals do. She thinks they both see more detail then other "normal" people. Too many trees to see the forest, so to speak. Grandin designs humane slaughterhouses. She designs them because she loves animals and doesn't want to see them stressed. She removes details that stress the animals. She creates the slaughter chutes so that the animals do not know they are about to die. Less stress. Slaughterhouses give her money because without her, with stressed animals, they lose a lot of money. Stressed animals lose weight. Stressed animals don't go into the chutes to be restrained to get vaccines to keep them from getting a variety of illnesses. Stressed animals can injure themselves, creating less valuable meat. All of this means less profit for the owners. So, with her designs, everybody wins.

Grandin writes with the overly detailed mind of an autistic adult. Yet she is poignant. Grandin doesn't understand why people don't see what she sees. She doesn't understand how people can miss things that seem so obvious to her. She doesn't understand how people could advocate the protection of a screwworm when they've never seen the fly or the "hideous, horrible infestations" it creates. She claims in the 60s and 70s things were accomplished within government, at least more so than today. "But today the abstract thinkers are in charge, and abstract thinkers get locked into abstract debates and arguments that aren't based in reality."

The Facts as We See Them

Enter Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Freakonomics establishes this unconventional premise: if morality represents how we would like the world to work, then economics represents how it actually does work. An exceprt from their chapter on parenting:

Chapter 5: What Makes a Perfect Parent?

The conversion of parenting from an art to a science . . . Why parenting experts like to scare parents to death . . . Which is more dangerous: a gun or a swimming pool? . . . The economics of fear . . . Obsessive parents and the nature-nurture quagmire . . . Why a good school isn't as good as you might think . . . The black-white test gap and "acting white" . . . Eight things that make a child do better in school and eight that don't.

No one is more susceptible to an expert's fearmongering than a parent. Fear is in fact a major component of the act of parenting. A parent, after all, is the steward of another creature's life, a creature who in the beginning is more helpless than the newborn of nearly any other species. This leads a lot of parents to spend a lot of their parenting energy simply being scared.

The problem is that they are often scared of the wrong things. It's not their fault, really. Separating facts from rumors is always hard work, especially for a busy parent. And the white noise generated by the experts-to say nothing of the pressure exerted by fellow parents- is so overwhelming that they can barely think for themselves. The facts they do manage to glean have usually been varnished or exaggerated or otherwise taken out of context to serve an agenda that isn't their own.

Consider the parents of an eight-year-old girl named, say, Molly. Her two best friends, Amy and Imani, each live nearby. Molly's parents know that Amy's parents keep a gun in their house, so they have forbidden Molly to play there. Instead, Molly spends a lot of time at Imani's house, which has a swimming pool in the backyard. Molly's parents feel good about having made such a smart choice to protect their daughter.

But according to the data, their choice isn't smart at all. In a given year, there is one drowning of a child for every 11,000 residential pools in the United States. (In a country with 6 million pools, this means that roughly 550 children under the age of ten drown each year.) Meanwhile, there is 1 child killed by a gun for every 1 millionplus guns. (In a country with an estimated 200 million guns, this means that roughly 175 children under ten die each year from guns.) The likelihood of death by pool (1 in 11,000) versus death by gun (1 in 1 million-plus) isn't even close: Molly is roughly 100 times more likely to die in a swimming accident at Imani's house than in gunplay at Amy's.

Some highlights from the Today Show, where I seem to gain most of my knowledge from (hey, that's where I learned about Krav Maga!), include the following:

• Kids will be smarter (or perhaps it was "do better in school") if you wait until you are 30 to have them.

• Additional income makes a difference in their lives.

• Having books around, but not necessarily reading them, is important.

• Staying home with your kids until they are in kindergarten is not important.

• Neither is watching TV.

What both of these books, Animals in Translation and Freakonomics, seem to point out: Common sense is what matters the most!

Well, I guess if you don't have it, you're screwed. I don't understand how some people miss so many things that seem like common sense to me. Perhaps I am lacking in other areas, as Temple Grandin is with her autism. She has found her weaknesses have become her strengths. Mine seem to serve me fairly well (this is what I do for a living).

Reality, not ideology.

I voted for George Bush. Yes, I admit it.

I did not vote for him because I agree with his views on the death penalty. I am whole heartedly against the death penalty, even in cases close to home.

I did not vote for him because I think we should explore the Arctic Wildlife Refuge. I donate money to protect it.

I also am not a conservative freak (I think those were the words used on NPR) who voted for Bush therefore believe that Montgomery County(MD) school children should not be taught the facts of life.

Kids have sex.

People are gay.

I voted for Bush because I want my planes to stay in the sky. I feel safe with him as president. The rest, grass roots organizations can handle.

I also find him attractive... Same goes for Tony Blair.

So what if they look and act like old fraternity brothers. A lot of my freinds are old fraternity guys. I was in a sorority. I was a cheerleader. I voted republican. I am a working mother. These are labels, but they don't define me.

I am more than that.

Just as there is more to most issues than just black and white answers.

How to get this back to Harry?

Here is an update:

The kid is as happy as can be! Unbelieveable!

He is attached to both of his parents, yet he still loves to see his friends at daycare. How can that be?

He still wakes up at 4:30, but we are working with The Sleep Lady to fix this. If that doesn't work, we will try something else. Can you do that?

Harry feeds himself. He is very independent, even though I did not nurse him or co-sleep. Hmmm...

Harry is very into his sliding board and his bike and his swim class. He also reads books. He loves to read. We don't know all of what he is saying, but he understands the concept. Right now he is reading Dogs and Baby Einstein: Discover and Play. Could he be both an athlete and a scholar?

He tries to do the motions to Itsy Bitsy Spider and sign language to ABC's.
He likes kisses from Bailey. I don't. He's his own person.

And if he wants to, when he turns 18, he can choose to vote Democratic.

But don't think I won't question why. He can choose to do whatever he wants to do, provided there is thought behind it.

Now that Harry's 1...

He can feed himself with a spoon...well,almost!
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...usually.
He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
His car seat can face forward- legally.
He has a bike (that we steer).
He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box...)

Harry had his 1 year check up on the 25th. He weighed in at 24# 10 oz. I think he is 29 1/2 inches. Does that sound right? I lost the paper from the doctor's. I copied it to send to daycare, but then I don't know what happened to the original. I probably mailed it to a site. I remember, though, that his head is in the 90 percentile. Surprising that is all, since his bike helmut is well beyond toddler-sized.

The doctor says he is within normal weight limits, although someone in the elevator called him chunky. Next time someone says that, I think I will return their compliment with the same response. My husband still harbors the stigma of being a "fat kid," and I have yet to encounter any photographic evidence supporting this. Harry is strong and active and eats small portions of healthy foods. I would rather he look like a beer-league soccer player than a sickly freak.

Harry has at least one molar in. I think his teeth started to bother him again. Accurate diagnosis was complicated by the fact that he got his measles and varicella (chicken pox) vaccinations 5 days before his fever developed. He had a cranky Saturday---well, he tried to play through it. He moaned the whole time he played legos (mega blocks from Billy & Kayla) but he tried to smile. Today he made it to swim class, and enjoyed his bike rides, even though I think he was actually asleep with his eyes closed.

We tried to get him to sleep in the car on the way to Hertz car rental (I'm driving to Raleigh tomorrow). That worked for 10 minutes, but we stopped at Sports Authority so Kevin could get a Lacrosse helmut and he woke up. I hung out with him in the car for a while, and I was able to get him to laugh, but I have to admit in his exhausted state, he somehow looked and sounded a whole lot like Jack Nicholson (think "Here's Johnny!").

The rest of today he spent happily putting animal crackers in and out of a cup, and then doing the same with clovers and blades of grass. He was able to eat a cup of yogurt, and then wash off teh sunscreen in the tub. He was in bed by 6:00 PM. He stopped talking around 6:45 PM.

I hate Monday trips. After a weekend with Harry, I go through withdrawal just at the thought of leaving him overnight. I need to not schedule any more Monday trips.