Dreamer... Nothing but a dreamer

Harry's obviously learning how to dream lately.

Did he say OBVIOUS that he's dreaming? How can that be? How can you tell what's going on inside someone's head, much less someone who hasn't the ability to relay it to you even if they are conscious???

You know how you can get right about to the edge of where you drop off into a nice deep sleep for the night, right about when the Sleep Timer on the TV is about to kick itself off, and you're just waiting for it...

Well Harry keeps getting to that point, but absolutely refuses to go over the edge until utter exhaustion takes over and he can't seem to do anything more about it. He falls asleep on his usual schedule between 7:00 and 7:30 (sometimes earlier depending on how busy his day has been), but right around 8:00 or 8:30 we get into a great cycle of about 45 minute spurts of sleep bookended by the most pitiful moans and cries you can imagine coming from a 9-month old.

I've got to figure that's right around when REM sleep would be warming up, and the picture show is about to begin.

That's got to be a pretty drastic development to suddenly become sidled with...

Dreaming.

I mean, at this point, what really would you dream about? Most theories behind dreams revolve somewhere around your brain working through the issues on your mind... That missing song lyric you've been searching for all day... The epiphany of why your friends had been giggling behind you all week... What it really would take to fly... Etc.

But if your entire life so far consists of 9 months of bottles of formula, various poking & prodding by people you'll eventually come to find you're related to (like it or not), and a random needle inserted every so often, what is there really to dream about?

The big red ball in the corner... All the peanut butter sandwiches you could tear apart and drop on the floor... Walking... Who knows?

So here you are, new to this game of life. One of a few things that seems constant so far is sleep. I get to do it ever so often, mostly whenever I deem necessary. But now, when I close my eyes, things keep happening!?!?! At least they seem like they do... I open them back up, and I'm back in this stupid crib. Eyes closed again... Hey there's that big ball... Hey I'm WALKING over to it... Hey I can pick it up... Wow this is great!

EYES OPEN

dark room... Crib again.

this sucks !!!

BWAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

And thus the cycle progresses. He falls asleep, only to wake himself again, only making him more frustrated & tired, which makes him want to go to sleep more, which makes him dream a bit more, EYES BACK OPEN! Same dark room with the soft music in the back.

BWAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

The only thing I can liken it to would be every once in a while when you get a really bad fever or just get really sick, and you can feel your brain frying. Close your eyes, and the mind tricks begin. I remember the last time it happened to me, and I swore my head was going to explode from all of the activity I was getting AFTER having gone to bed?!?!

I feel your pain little man... I feel your pain.

Swimming in the tub!

Like many new parents (are we still considered new?), Kevin and I have begun to wonder whether life with Harry is easier now, or if it was easier in the beginning. There are quite a few variables here. Had we not been newbies, perhaps those newborn days may have been easier. Things now are certainly a lot more fun! Harry is so mobile, and can entertain himself, and has started to communicate with us (at a different level at least!). However, there are so many new changes going on in his world, and I think we deal with things a lot more intellectually. It seems kids really develop their own personalities, quirks, intricacies...what have you...at about this age. We've got a lot more to figure out now!

One new thing to figure out, which I am supposing is not unique to Harry, but seems to have many reasons behind it-he wakes up a lot more now! For the past week or two, he wakes up beginning one hour after he goes to sleep. Sometimes this happens continuously. I am guessing that he is having bad dreams. Babies begin to dream more at thiss age. Dr. Parente agrees, but says there could be other issues as well. It just goes along with his developmental stage. He is learning new things, and has trouble letting go of them at night. Apparently he is also having trouble letting go of us, and wonders where we are.

The second set of wake ups seems to occur because he is standing up in his crib. It was cute the first time, but his body wants to stand, and his mind wants to sleep...it is a bad combination, especially at 4 AM! It is not just nighttime that this occurs...also at naptime. It is hard to even get him into his crib in the daytime. I confess, I resort to putting him in his swing. I thought having a blanket might help, but apparently at daycare he stands up screaming, crib rail in one hand, blanket in the other. Let us know if you have any suggestions for this one! My backup plan, calling the Baby Whisperer for a meager $100 an hour, went by the wayside. Sadly, Tracey Hogg, age 44, passed away in November of Melanoma. For those of you who don't know, Kevin and I found Secrets of the Baby Whisperer to be the most useful book out there. Parents everywhere have lost a huge resource.

We have moved past some scaries though. I am not completely panic stricken over SIDS anymore. Harry had peanut butter over the weekend, and that appears to be safe. And since being in the big tub, there is the fear that he may drown. This one is mild, since I am right there at all times, but there is still the concern he will go under and be unhappy about it. Well, tonight, I guess he decided he could reach his toys better if he flipped over and swam at them. In typical Harry fashion, he landed well. A couple of bubbles on the chin, but no drowning, and he seemed pretty darn happy!

Likewise, he was pretty happy out in the snow! He was not, however, happy in his snowsuit. The sled was a big hit while we were in the house, but the snowsuit issue...well, picture the kid in A Christmas Story! Funny little face though!

Harry also got to meet my college roommate Leanne's son. Matthew is 20 months old and a serious cutie! He seemed to really take to Harry's playhouse,which was cool. He even motivated Harry to crawl through the tunnel to get to him. It was really cute to see them interact, even though they are obviously at very different levels right now!

It is great to see Harry interact with all kids, especially the ones he knows, like Sid and Susanna at daycare. It is an even greater things to see him befriend our friends kids. It is just the coolest!

Just the Facts

Harry had his 9 month check up today.
Height: 28 1/2 inches (55%)
Weight: 22# 1.7 oz. (75%)
Head: 18 1/2 (75%)

Looks like his height percentile is slowing down! Is anyone surprised?
I think he also lost about a pound since getting sick over the holidays.
No one at Pediatric Associates mentioned it, but he seems MUCH lighter.
I thought he was 23 something in December...
He pretty much ate half his usualy amount while he was sick, and did not drink a whole lot.
He seems to be doing better though. He is sleeping better again. And Dr. Parente said his ears looked clear and his lungs sounded good. Bye bye nebulizer!
Now the bad news: since he got his first teeth at 4 months, it is very likely his 1 year molars will start coming in soon. Based on how painful the other 8 teeth were, we are not looking forward to this!
We are also allowed to try the scary foods now: peanuts, shellfish, citrus. And he is allowed meat, eggs and dairy. Personally, I think I am more likely to give him a tequila lime shrimp with some thai peanut sauce before I give him a slice of cow cheese or a glass of milk. To explain, I leave you with this seen from Snatch (ironically, Kevin's favorite movie):

Note: Formatted & Edited for Clarity

TURKISH takes a sip of his milk. There's a pause.

TURKISH (CONT'D)
It's not the same.

TOMMY
What?

TURKISH
Milk, in these cartons.

TOMMY i
You shouldn't drink that stuff any way.

TURKISH
Why, what's wrong with it?

TOMMY
It's not in synch with evolution.

TURKISH
Shut up!

TOMMY
Cows have only been domesticated in the last eight thousand years, before that they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to any dairy products yet, it takes a lot longer than that.

TURKISH
Well fuck me Tommy, what have you been reading?

TURKISH (CONT'D)
Cows mad as lorries eh?

You hear about the two cows having a chat in a field? One says to the other, "what do you think about this mad cows' disease then? The other one looks back and says "doesn't bother me, I'm a duck. "

Turkish looks back at him blankly.

TOMMY
Here let me do you a favour.

He reaches over and grabs the carton from Turkish, and throws it out the window. The milk obviously hits an on-coming car in the other direction. There is a terrible crashing noise. Tommy and Turkish come to a standstill, and look back to see a small pile up on the other side of the road.

TOMMY (CONT'D)
What was in that milk?

Nothing like a good Nebulizer to get your day going.

I thought I was helpless when Kim was pregnant. Couldn't do anything to help other than try to make things as comfortable as I could. Things progressed from there in the delivery room, where the doctor obviously can tell that Dad's just want to help, and they give us the incredible responsibility of fetching Ice Chips from the dispenser down the hall (obviously from their many past experiences, that's about all we can handle). Shortly thereafter we move along to the infant stages of life, and then get to deal with the confusion and pain and discomfort of a gassy, teething, hungry, wet, etc... etc... etc... Child (you CAN tell the difference in the cries RIGHT? You DID read all of those books your wife did - RIGHT???).

Well, we've now moved along to the part in Harry's life when he starts to get sick. Oh the joy of it all! I think they put this part and the getting mobile/learning to interact/learning to walk stuff together on purpose, so as not to drive us all insane. The excitement and pure joy of watching your child learn and develop right in front of you is just about the only thing that can counter listening to him cry himself hoarse because he really doesn't like being woken up every 4 hours to have that steaming rumbling thing stuck on his face for what I'm certain fells like an eternity for him too.

It was bad enough when he got his first of what turned out to be several ear infections over the winter holidays, now he seems to have developed Bronchiolitis. I must say, it sounds a million times better than hearing the doctor say, "I want you to take him downstairs to Radiology for a Chest XRay to make sure he doesn't have Pneumonia..."

Now I know from Kim's extensive research that as with many infantile conditions these days, when caught & treated early on, they are not nearly as worrisome as they could have been in the past or if left untreated, but still... The word itself conjures images and ideas that can if anything, be termed 'uncomfortable.'

So... He's been on his Nebulizer treatment of Albuterol since Saturday morning, and seems to have succumbed to the discomfort of it all, but I know I still hate it. And on a positive note, he seems to be responding to it quite well (BTW... The doctor called back and confirmed that it wasn't the P word).

In the middle of all of this, Harry has started getting around the house faster and easier than ever. As you can see from the most recent shots, he's got a new tunnel and clubhouse that he's already found the secret back door out of, and has also begun sneaking up on Bailey (well not really sneaking, but he likes to think so). We won't bring up Kim running out of the room for Harry's first bloody lip, courtesy of a nice spill while getting a little cocky standing up in his crib...

Even though he's hoarse & raspy from hacking up a lung (stay out of Daddy's cigars kid!), he still gets that dimply smile going and giggles away as he's scrambling away... He's just a happy kid.

So we've got that going for us...

Harry knows his ABC's...or at least QRS!

Baby Einstein is beginning to lose it's affect! Harrison is not as glued to the tube as he used to be when we popped in a DVD. I swear we are not those people who pop in DVDs or turn on the TV to use it as a baby sitter. We do not think TV is evil, quite the contrary, but we do think TV time should be limited, and should be used as a tool.
So, Harry usually watches Baby Galileo upstairs every morning. It helps us to get some extra sleep, or to get ready for work. Some afternoons, especially if there is only one of us home, we might pop in a DVD if Harry needs help unwinding before dinner, or just to give ourselves some time to prepare his dinner. Now that he is more mobile though, he is losing interest. He is very good at playing by himself, but he is looking for a bigger playground. We have baby proofed reasoanbly well...or at least we had, before he started crawling up steps! Still, when he is moving around, we like to keep an eye on him. Knowing he is watching TV takes a load off...
Another theory of why he is not as interested in Baby Einstein is that now that he is getting older, he is just plain not interested in them. So, I turned on an episode of Sesame Street that Tivo so kindly recorded for us. I was hoping that might be the next step. A month ago, he was not the least bit interested. He seems to like the singing now, though, possibly because we have been listening to Toddler Tunes on the CD player, and singing a lot of them at other times (mostly because once they are in your head, they do not leave!) . So, to my surprise, while they were singing the ABC song, Harry joined in on "QRS!" I guess other than "mum!mum!mum!" QRS may have been his first word! Does that count as a word?
Back to Harry's mobility...the Exersaucer is headed to the garage and there is a new tunnel and playhouse in its place (see photo of tunnel). Harry scoots through the tunnel with ease. Today was his first day in the playhouse. It has two doors. He hung out at one door playing peek-a-boo (or our version, rather- "Where's Harry?") then crawled right out of the other door and up the step. Two seconds flat to get up! He's moving!
He is also developing quite a will of his own. He will definitely move things away if he doesn't like it, such as his sippy cup if he is not thirsty or your hand if it is on his dancing monkey toy keyboard. He is actually not very rude about it, he just knows what he wants.
He also seems to understand the word "No," but he does not seem to like it. He seems to know now that "no" means he is not supposedto do somthing. He seems determined to do what he wants anyway, and he is willingto wait it out. Tonight his father told him not to drop his dinner (a waffle) on the floor. He thought about it, hand held over the side of the highchair, then replaced the waffle on the tray. ABout 6 minutes later, Harry was sitting quietly in his chair when Kevin left the room. Without skipping a beat, our eight month old picked teh waffle up, dropped it on the floor, and immediately went back to what he was doing, as though nothing had happened! I explained to him (with a serious face) that this was bad, and that he is a child and needs to listen to what we tell him...but I couldn't help but be more than a little bit impressed!

I am not sure who Marty Nemko is, but I like his opinion. Once again, let me preface this by saying that we all try to make choices that are best for ourselves and our families. I am not trying to offend anyone. If you are happy with your choice, please do not second guess yourself or assume this is meant for you. I know some mom's who stay at home and the choice seems to work great for their families, and their kids thrive and all are happy. I know at least a couple people that this doesn't seem to work for, but they are not even open to any other side. I just want to point out that there is always another side. I like Marty's side! He is going out on a limb here. And it is something else to think about.

Men As Beasts of Burden

Marty Nemko

There are five widows for every widower.

Kevin, 37, is a computer programmer, making $80,000 a year, $48,000 after taxes. His wife, Lisa, stays home to take care of their two-year old. She is pregnant with another child, and eager for them to buy a home. Kevin doesn’t like being a programmer, but fears that a career change will mean a salary cut.

I asked Kevin, “Is owning a home important to you?” He replied, “It’s very important to Lisa.” I asked him how he felt about having the second child. He sighed, “Okay, but Lisa really wants it.”

I asked, “When you first called me, you said you feel the stress is killing you. Should you be shouldering all the family’s financial responsibilities?” He pursed his lips: “Lisa reminds me that before we got married, I agreed to have two kids. She says, and I guess I agree, that to bring our kids up right and maintain a home is a full-time job. And she doesn’t have my earning capacity.” Kevin rubbed his head.

Over the past 17 years, I have been career coach to 1,500 middle and upper class women and to 500 middle-to-upper class men. Because of our relationships’ confidentiality, I have learned much about what women really think on a number of issues.

Most surprising to me, is that at least half of the women, including many graduates of elite colleges, either don’t want an income-earning job or will only work part-time in an unusually pleasant job.

A recent New York Times article suggests that my clients are not an anomaly. It reported that the number of stay-at-home moms has increased 13 percent in less than a decade, and among working women, 2/3 work part-time. This is true even of graduates of prestigious colleges, women who were bestowed a fiercely competed-for slot at an elite college on the assumption they would use that coveted degree to make a big difference in the world.

Few of those women’s application essays indicated they planned to be housewives. Yet among Stanford’s class of ’81, in just their first decade after graduation, 57 percent of mothers spent at least a year at home full-time. One in four stayed home full-time for three or more years. A survey of the women from the Harvard Business School classes of 1981, 1985, and 1991 found that only 38 percent of all women—even if childless--were working full time. And beyond the elite colleges, among white men, 95% of all MBAs in the U.S. work full time, while the number for white women was just 67 percent.

And “full-time” doesn’t mean the same for men and women. Among my 1,500 female clients and many friends, very few are willing to sacrifice work/life balance to work the 60+ hours a week it normally takes to rise to the top of a profession.

Yet women’s groups complain that women are “underrepresented” in the power professions: senior executives, professors, etc., because of a glass ceiling they claim is erected by men.

Of course, there are many ambitious, achieving women who are men’s equals or superiors. But many of my female clients and friends prefer the life of a housewife, perhaps augmented by a pleasant little part-time job, even if it means their husband, whom they claim to love, must work long, hard hours on jobs few women would consider. For example, the vast majority of people who work in iron foundries, coalmines, and other clanging, polluted environments are men. According to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics, 92 percent of workplace deaths occur to men.

Dan, a client of mine (name changed) avoided breathing carcinogenic air, but his life is still at risk. He has two masters degrees in counseling, but in the big city, where it seems there’s a therapist under every rock, hasn’t been able to land a job as a counselor. He has a few private clients, which in total earn him $6,000 a year. He adds $8,000 as a mock patient in a medical school, and at night, Dan, 54, moonlights as a waiter at a large restaurant. He says, “It’s almost ¼ mile from the kitchen to the farthest table, so when I get home at one in the morning, I’m exhausted. But I’m still so wired, I need a couple of glasses of wine to get to sleep. If I’m lucky, I get five hours of sleep before I have to get up again.”

Dan’s wife Denise, a Cornell graduate, is 47 and says she’s a musician. But in their years together, her net income has averaged just $800 a year. When Dan encourages Denise to get a job that pays, she objects:“ But I love being a musician. I’m trying to make a living at it.” He keeps urging her to get a paying job, but after a while, he gives up. He can’t make her get a job.

Meanwhile, Dan continues to drag himself through life like an ox yoked to a plow, a beast of burden. “I don’t know how long I can keep this up.” Statistically, he’s right. Medical science is unequivocal that stress and overwork kills. No doubt, that contributes to their being five widows for every widower.

To be fair, many men prefer their wives to stay home, but often, the impetus comes from the woman. Many women use dubious arguments to convince their husbands that they should have, at most, a part-time job:

It’s better for the children. Yes, on average, kids with a stay-at-home-mom do somewhat better, but that is largely because couples that can afford to have mom staying at home are, on average, from a higher socioeconomic class, which confers many other benefits on the child.

A number of studies indicate that being a working mom doesn't hurt and may even help the child. For example, the most recent study (July 2003) Caring and Counting: The impact of mothers' employment on family relationships by Tracey Reynolds, Claire Callender and Rosalind Edwards, reports, "...the mother's work had a positive impact on their family relationships. The mother's employment provided skills and resources that meant they could meet their children's emotional, developmental and material needs better. Their relationship with their partner was enhanced because they shared the financial burden of providing for their family and had more common interests." The book, Ask The Children, is based on in-depth interviews with 600 parents and more than 1,000 children in the third through twelfth grades from diverse backgrounds. It found that "having a working mother is not predictive of how children assess their mothers' parenting skills, based on a number of attributes strongly linked to children's healthy development and school success. These include 'being someone I can go to when I am upset' and 'knowing what is really going on in my life.'" This study's results were reported to the public in a cover story in Working Mother magazine called "Hey Moms, Drop the Guilt!" Millions of children with working moms do just fine. What counts most is quality time: reasonably consistent, loving, limit-setting but not punitive parenting, even if it begins after the workday.

Lest you think I haven’t practiced what I preach, my wife went back to work full-time, nine weeks after our daughter was born, and she turned out just fine: well-adjusted, voted UCLA’s outstanding undergraduate student, whereafter she got a White House internship, after which she went to Yale Law School, is now a successful attorney and about to marry a wonderful guy.

And even if a child accrues some advantage from having a stay-at-home mom, that advantage is usually more than outweighed by the pressure added to the husband’s life and the lifestyle decrement that comes from the lack of a second income. One such decrement is that men who must earn all the family income are precluded from considering rewarding but not lucrative careers such as teaching, and most jobs in non-profits, the arts, journalism, etc.

Adding to the unfairness, women, on average, are more motivated than their husbands to have children to begin with. The man is often pressured, subtly or not subtly, into parenthood, with all its added financial and time demands.

Taking care of the kids and home is a full-time job. These women stretch homemaking into a full-time job with activities far less beneficial than a second income to the family and certainly to her husband’s health and quality of life: preparing home-cooked dinners most nights, sitting with other moms watching a playgroup when a babysitter could do that, etc.

Being a homemaker is at least as stressful as being in the work world. These women point to their having to deal with a frequently crying baby or claim that being at home is a three-ring circus. But fact is, a significant percentage of many stay-at-home moms' days are spent on low-stress tasks such as supermarket shopping, playing with the baby, making dinner, and chatting with friends while baby is napping.

That life is much less stressful than most out-of-home jobs, which are filled with unpredictable commutes, ever increasing workloads because of the relentless downsizing, bosses with unrealistic expectations, co-workers who don’t pull their weight, and tough tasks, which if not completed satisfactorily can result in criticism or even firing.

I don’t have your earning power. Dr. Warren Farrell’s research debunks the flawed research that claims women earn 79 cents on the dollar. When controlled for hours on the job, performance evaluations, and years of experience, women earn $1.01 for every dollar men earn.

And the reason women have fewer years of experience is that they disproportionately elect to stay home with their children, or even if they work “full-time,” they work far fewer hours than their male counterparts so they can spend more time with their kids or on their avocations. Many more women than men —full-time workers and not-- ensure they have time for yoga, get-togethers with friends, art class, gardening, and visits to the day spa. Since 2000, despite the economic downturn, the number of spa visits nationwide, the vast majority of which are made by women, has doubled!

Women don’t just spend on day spas. They’re, overall, the bigger spenders. Yes, men buy more tools and technotoys but women, even when they contribute little or nothing to the family income, are the predominant spenders: clothing, jewelry, therapy, home redecorating of no interest to the man, etc. Most shopaholics are women. Every expenditure loads additional pressure onto the primary breadwinner, which is usually the husband.

Most of my male clients have accepted their plight of having to work, work, work at unrewarding, even dangerous jobs. Biology, parents, and society have programmed men to be the hunter, the provider, to keep their nose to the grindstone, no matter what. Too many wives only encourage it. Just today, a client of mine who earns more than $200,000 a year as a not-partner attorney at a major law firm, exclaimed, “If I don’t push NOW to make partner, my wife will kill me!”

Usually, the wife won’t kill the husband, but often will divorce him, at least in part because “he wasn't a good provider.” And most courts reward her with custody of the child and a requirement that the father pay child support and/or alimony.

When I ask a male client to step back and think about it, many of them realize that their wives have tried—usually successfully--to subtly or not so subtly coerce them into being the primary or sole breadwinner, the beast of burden. Those women make the above arguments, plus use manipulative techniques such as crying, guilt-tripping, screaming, avoiding the topic of getting a job, and forever promising to look for work but making feeble efforts.

Meanwhile, many men live bleak lives: work 10+ hours, commute home, and drop into the couch exhausted. And their reward: an early grave. Despite obesity being more prevalent among women, there are five widows for every widower. Yet all we hear about is another fundraiser for breast cancer.

If a husband hasn't done so already, he should consider having an open discussion with his wife about work and money. For example:

• “Will buying a house or having another child put too much financial pressure on us?”
• “If we decide to make those high-cost expenditures, do we want to put all the financial burden on one partner so the other can stay home to raise the child? Or should it be divided more evenly?”
• “Should I refuse to work at an unrewarding high-stress or dangerous job?”

The elite colleges should issue the following exhortation to their students, male and female: "As you well know, the diploma you will receive from this institution will open the doors of influence: from medical research to non-profit directorship, from corporate leadership to stewardship of the arts. In accepting one of the precious few student seats at this institution, you tacitly accept the responsibility to society to make the most of that coveted degree. We encourage you to aim high, to use that degree to make the biggest difference you can for humankind. As important as being a good parent is, you don't need an elite degree to do that."

(I changed a few irrelevant details about my clients to protect their anonymity.)

Dr. Nemko is available to speak on gender, race, career, and parenting issues. Contact him at mnemko@earthlink.net or 510-655-2777. 400+ of his published writings are free on www.martynemko.com.

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Dr. Marty Nemko hosts Work With Marty Nemko,
Sundays 11 am to noon
on KALW, 91.7 FM, San Francisco.
His newest book is Cool Careers for Dummies
and he offers by-phone and in-person career
and personal coaching.
For information, call 510-655-2777.

Hey! It's Girl Scout Cookie Time! I know I am not the only one out there that has hounded people for money from my own Girl Scout experiences through my 1st marathon and most recently FIT Camp donations. It's time to pay back...plus you get some tasty treats out of it!

Please see the email below, and buy some cookies from my friend Hannah. You can email me or her mom, Kelly.
kellyb@his.com

I am still checking on payment and delivery dates, but will post them soon.

Subject: Re: Girl Scout Cookies

It's Cookie Time!!!!
If anyone is interested in buying Girl Scout Cookies, Hannah is selling them. We will be happy to deliver them when they arrive. Her troop is working hard to attend an overnight girl scout camp next fall. If you need to update your memory on the variety they offer, the site is www.gscnc.org and the price is $3.50 per box. Thanks for any orders. I personally like their new Lemon Cooler cookie. YUM!

Hope everyone had a great New Year,
Kelly

You know you love them! You know you can't live without them! Samoas, Thin Mints, Lemon Coolers...mmmmmm....Yum!

Hey---this is Kim. Under Kevin's account. My home laptop has died, and I cannot get into my blogger. I also cannot get into my Verizon account...so if you sent me any recent emails, please re-send to mcdermottkimberly@praintl.com. One last thing I cannot get into is my nice, neat, organized, state of the art Holiday Log. This is the log I use to log gifts that were received and thank you cards that were sent. Unfortunately, there were several thank yous I had not yet gotten to. I am hoping Kevin can fix things. He is the greatest computer guy ever (oops...not supposed to call him that!). So, if you did not receive a thank you from Harry, Kevin, Bailey or me, please do not be offended. We all had a wonderful holiday and are grateful for all of the wonderful presents we received! I no longer have teh memory I once did, so I can not even begin to pick up where I left off! (Those of you who received multiple holiday cards and thank yous will understand this!).

So, with the extra time I have had not checking email, I was able to catch up on my scrap booking. I have not yet finished my 2003 project, but I did file all of Harry's photos through early November (thanks to all of the great photo albums we received for Yule and my birthday!). As I was going through the albums with him, however, it would almost seem as though I am stalking him. Anyone see "One Hour Photo"? It's gotten a little bit out of hand, I admit. We've got about 10 big albums already. Kevin's biggest worry is that once we have another child, he or she will feel neglected if I do not maintain the same frenzy. Good advice from a middle child, but turns out I am the one who no longer has any photographs from my childhood. Perhaps this is the basis for my obsession. Although, I was class historian in high school, and for my DG pledge class, and did yearbook. And we do have at least three albums full of Bailey's puppy pictures...The picture taking obsession goes way back!

If you ask me, I think it has to do with my outlook on life. I will admit I have issues with death. We only have 100 or so years here (Five for Fighting has a great song about this topic, which also makes me think I shoudl take up sailing soon. The movie The Way We Were also makes me think I shoudl take up sailing), and we don't get to repeat them (at least not in the same body). I think it is important to capture as many moments as we can. And capture them for infinity. Let's put it this way, if the house caught on fire, once the family was out, the only thing I would go back for would be picttures! Especially the irreplaceable ones!

Speaking of things moving at the speed of life, Harry is still trudging ahead at high speed. You may have read that he started standing unassisted on Friday. He is still working on that. He is so motivated! Although, along with this motivation, and his new mobility and communication skills (he babbles and gestures pretty well), he is beginning to develop a bit of an attitude. I suspect it is a toddler thing. I know they tend to go through a phase where they just love themselves and think they are the greatest (probably doesn't help that that is all they hear!). Well, he is THERE! SO There! But at the same time, he is still a baby. He is still frustrated that there are things he cannot do. He seems to be experiencing some new separation anxiety. With all of the branching out, he seems to need even more reassurance that we are still here. Unfortunately, as you may have guessed, most of this reassurance is required at sleep time. He's not liking the crib so much lately. But to make it worse, once we finally get him, he seems rather smug about it. If you have any tips for this, please let us know. Also, if you happen to know, do their eyes get bigger and their eyelashes get longer when they are getting in trouble? Or is it my imagination?

The littel guy really is the cutest. And aside from nap issues, we had a pretty fun day. Harry crawled all over the house, up steps, into new rooms...giggled at his frog puppets (the big frog is Jeremiah, the little one is Uncle Jerry...they are good friends of mine)...went to Costco with his father and rode in the cart (first time was at MOMs, so this is still a big treat for him)...took his alphabet blocks out of his bucket and put them into his dump truck (being able to let go of objects is a new skill) and he had some new meals too: breakfast was Flax Seed cereal with banannas---AND milk (formula). He seems to like it better that way, plus it is mushy so less of a choking hazard. He also ate some dry pieces himself, which were in different shapes. Time to branch out from cheerios! Lunch was blueberry yogurt and some wagon wheels. Dinner was the very same as us! Vegan Boca Burgers (yes, even for Kevin) and sweet potatoes. Harry ate all of it. (He actually is not usually that great of an eater).

So, we have a little time to relax now. Harry is sleeping soundly in his crib. Keep your fingers crossed that he makes it through the night! Tomorrow is an early day. We have carpet layers, bathroom contractors and Value Village all coming by 8. Meanwhile, Kevin and Harry are usually out of here by 7...and I need to be as well. I finally switched to the Gold's near our house. It is huge, offers free personal training, and has a TON of Pilates and Yoga classes...even Pilates reformer! Bye bye last ten pounds!

---Kim

So it's been a while since my last post, must take something pretty monumental to get me off my lazy butt to type for a few minutes huh?

Well...

as of about 5:03 PM EST on January 7, 2005, Harry just pulled himself up and stood COMPLETELY ON HIS OWN that is to say, without holding on to anyone or anything!!!

Of course, we'll have our fair share of non-believers as we didn't catch it on film (not for lack of effort in trying to reproduce it over the next few minutes -- camera in hand), especially with the multitude of photos that are seemingly covering his every move for the last 8+ months, but the best I can do is say that he did it, and the adrenaline is still pumping... At least mine is.

We'll certainly be following up with more updates as the story progresses, hopefully with some legit footage!

Until then, hope everyone had a great holiday and best wishes for the new year!!

How much is that doggie in the window?

Well, we have received several inquiries regarding whether the beagle is for sale. Or lease. Or being put up for adoption. At this point, no. And, after her brief escape yesterday, I think she has been better behaved. Yes, "Hogan" once again released herself from her captors. This time was with the help of our contractors, who left the garage doors open. The inside door does not shut tightly, and as many of you know from "The Great Cookie Debacle" of December 2004, Bailey can easily let herself into the garage. Fortunately for the entire family, a young teenager and his mom brought her back.
Bailey and Kevin had a little talk last night. They seem to be friends again. Bailey has contentedly allowed herself to be gated in my office all day today. No complaints! And we continue to leave her in her crate in the garage when we are not home. She seems to agree with the decision. It seems to be less stressful for her. Not to say she likes it, but she accepts it.
As for Harry, he is doing GREAT! Most of his spot have gone away from the virus he had, and his ear infection also seems to be gone. He is even working on sleeping through the night again---6:30PM-6AM last night with a 15 minute break at 4. Funny, he has been sick twice, and both times were while on vacation from daycare!
Speaking of daycare, Harry is thrilled to be back. He missed everyone. And for those of you who know, his caregivers are from Sri Lanka. Menike recently lost her father back in August, so we were worried more family members may have been at risk from the Tsunami. It seems the majority of her family lives inland, about 140 miles. While they were not directly affected, her temple is accepting donations to provide relief directly to Sri Lanka. While I, personally, do not have any issues with the Red Cross, I know many people do, so if you are looking for an alternative place to make a donation, please let me know.
Finally, Harry continues to thrive. He knows how to make his See 'n Say work all by himself. He recognizes voices coming out of the phone (his eyes get huge when he talks to Daddy, and he giggles), and he is still doing his best to start walking. He continues to babble, and has already begun to sound conversational. Maybe "MumMumMumNumNum" is the baby equivalent of "Duuuude....Dude. Dude!!!!"

Teach your children well...
In an effort to improve my own well-being, and to set a good example for master Harrison, I decided (once again), that my NEW YEARS RESOLUTION would be to take a positive approach to life. Out with the bad. Negative energy be gone! ( I even purchased some wands for this...faerie wands, of course!). Away with the people bringing me down...including myself!
It is so easy to put negative spins on things! It is so commonplace on TV and radio and every where else you go. Granted, when you are smarter, and more talented, and better looking then everyone around you, it is easy to put people down...but if you think about it, the people whose company the majority enjoy are those who are positive. Plus, if you think about it, it is a lot easier to be nice than to be mean. If we all had more time on our hands, more money, more of the things we think we need, we think that we would be more relaxed. But, why not do that first. Sort of like paying yourself first. I know from experience that things really are easier when you take a positive approach to them. When you are frustrated, everything seems to go wrong. It seems to me that it is easier to be positive when you think a little more about other people. Sometimes it can seem like you are the only one doing it, but know what? Who cares. Do it for yourself. Choose to be happy! Choose to be nice to other people.
Well...sounds good. This is what I had decided. But, after my little spotted child (Harry has a rash) was up ALL night crying, and after a week or two of carrying him around (he has not been feeling well), I was pretty cranky myself today. After a gentleman at the doctor's office sneezed twice and ignored both of my Bless-Yous, I decided to ignore his third sneeze. How rude of him! Well, wouldn't you know...he was completely deaf! I felt like I was having a true Seinfeld moment! If that wasn't an I-told-you-so, I don't know what is.
So, I am going to do my best to truly be nice, and thoughtful to other people. My hope is that Harry will pick up on this,a nd he will enjoy being a happy person, without wasting time being mean to other people. Ordriving aggressively. Oh geez...will just have to make sure he doesn't end up being some crazy-ass hippy surfer freak handing out flowers at airports.


Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Teach Your Children Lyrics You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good-bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh
and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.