What a weekend...

Thanks to everyone who made the trek down to Alexandria for the birthday festivities, and for those of you who couldn't, Click Here for TONS of pictures (would you expect anything less??).

Friday (Harry's official Day 365) began with quite an adventure... An early-morning rush-hour jaunt to downtown DC for Kim's follow-up visit from LASIK surgery the afternoon before. After quite a few laps around the block (no street parking until after 9:30 am) we headed back home, Kim 's eyes were A-OK, in fact had already progressed to 20/20.

As the South Jersey contingent began to arrive and Kim put some of the final touches on party prep, Harry and I headed to the airport to pick up Grandma Patty. From one mode of mass transit to another, we stopped back at home to pick up Kim & Pop-pop and met up with the Wiley/Decker representatives and Lisa & Christian Ahrens (in for the weekend from Coatesville PA) for most everyone's first trip on the DC Metro to head to the National Zoo to rendezvous with the Coltons (in for the day from Brick NJ), our neighbors Ceri & Owen Fleet, and the new Cheetah Cubs.

A lot of walking in the rain and many various animal displays later (we won't discuss the bird-eating monkey from the Amazonia exhibit here... Maybe another time), we all headed back to the Holiday Inn for an all-you-can eat feast of crab legs & seafood buffet. As it would turn out, Harry's birthday ended up being the latest he's ever stayed up past his bedtime... He made it until about 9:45pm before conking out.

Which is not to say that he slept all morning, as you may have expected (read: hoped). Up at 5:00am, I think he knew that it was time to party. Lots of last minute pickups, deliveries, and setups, all with every available finger crossed to avoid the thunderheads that had been predicted with 80% likelihood. All the while, Harry went for a stroll, and decided to take a nice powernap before his guests began to arrive.

With the rains hitting quite steadily over the previous 24 hours, even the strong sunshine wasn't enough to dry everything up outside, so we set everything up in the house. I think most in attendance would agree that we packed 6510 Cavalier to the gills on Saturday, and the overflow into the backyard was well-timed.

Just as we thought things were winding down, the second wave of guests began to arrive, but unfortunately, the weather had held out for as long as it could. After a few sprints down the front walk to cover convertible cars, all was well again, and the party went on.

As you may have heard, Harry's cake was purported to be a source of wonderment for many of the folks from above the Mason-Dixon line... Vegan? How does that work? My vote for easiest explanation came from Kim's Uncle Bill who deftly explained "...It means there's no meat in it." Well of course it does. Harry had a cake of his own, and certainly had his way with it as soon as his cousin Dominic Jr. helped him blow out the candle. Needless to say, the cake was a hit, even with the Jersey-ites. If you can make it there, you CAN make it anywhere... Even in New York!

No one seemed to notice the line on the invite requesting "no gifts please," but the assumption is that it must have been as difficult to read as the line about RSVP-ing... Regardless, Harry was extremely appreciative of all the crinkly paper and bags (oh yes, and the contents too!).

I'd like to think a wonderful time was had by all, it was really great to see everyone, and based on the never-ending ear-to-ear grin on Master Harrison's face, he had a blast as well. Thanks to everyone for coming, from near and far!


Some more reflections on Harry's first year to follow...

Why Kevin is the best dad. 350 words.

Based on the date from the itinerary I wrote on the back of, I started this 350 word essay back in early March for a contest titled “Why my husband is the best dad”. I was all set to submit it to one of those parents’ magazines. I LOVE those magazines! Well, I either decided they were not worthy, or I lost the address to submit it to. Nonetheless, Kevin is still the best dad, and the reasons are still worthy of print.

If I could only use one word to explain why my husband is the best dad, it would be: Equality. Kevin and I make every attempt to balance all aspects of child rearing. We believe this is a benefit to ourselves, our relationship, and most of all, our son. We contribute equally to our finances, we both do chores around the house, we spend time with friends, and we discuss all decisions involving our son (thank Zeus for better cell phone rates!)

From the moment I emailed Kevin to tell him the 19 pregnancy tests I took were becoming increasingly positive, he has done more than his fair share to support our choice. He went to doctor visits, researched daycare options and helped register for our baby shower. He baked endless supplies of potato’s, went to 7-11 for hostess cupcakes, and didn’t eat a single piece of sushi in my presence.

At the hospital, he brought his PJs and camped out for 4 days, learning how to diaper, swaddle and feed our little bug even before I did (all while mass emailing baby photos and updating websites!). Oh, and running out to the nurses’ station for ice chips! I was recovering from both a C-section and a back injury, so Kevin would hop out of bed every time Harry cried, even if it was just to hand him to me.

Once home, this support continued, even though he was soon back to work. In the beginning, we would both get up with Harry and keep each other company through those late night and early morning feedings. Soon enough, Kevin decided it made more sense for him to get up with Harry at night, and I would get up with him early morning. I missed the company, but we were both able to get more shut eye this way.

I travel a couple of days each week for work, so Kevin gets to play single dad a lot! He hasn’t complained at all! In fact, I think he grew to become even more protective of Harry. And certainly he became the guru of how to get Harry back to sleep! During my time away though, it’s not all fun and games. I usually work 20 hour days so I can get reports done, and then spend extra time with the little one when I am home. I tried to work in an office (last year, remember? 3 whole weeks!) and I found that I was never home. This job seems to work much better for all of us.

Kevin still plays hockey, and still sees his friends, and I try to do the same. We recognize that it is still important to do things for ourselves. It is usually while Harry is asleep. When Harry is home and awake, I don’t think either one of us are willing to do anything besides hang out with him! We cherish the time we get to spend with the awesomest of little people, and we still enjoy each others company immensely. I couldn’t ask for a better husband. Although Harry seems to butt heads with Kevin about Bailey’s diet, I think he would agree with me that he lucked out in the dad department. He already knows who to go to when he needs a hug…or a new piece of computer equipment! When I am away, I know that Harry is in the most capable of hands. When I am home, we all spend lots of time together, especially on the weekends when Kevin makes waffles- Harry’s favorite!

I try to let Kevin know what a great dad he is at every opportunity. Kevin doesn’t understand why he would behave any other way. He adores Harry, and appreciates all that he is able to do for him. I think he actually finds it empowering.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, after all of his hard work, Kevin found time to present me with a gift for Harry’s birthday: a silver sun pendant (from Tiffany!) to celebrate Harry’s first year. What a guy! And what a great year it has been.

Happy Birthday Harry!

We're less than 2 days from Harry's 1st birthday.

365 days ago, I was apprehensive about the beginning of the rest of his life, and mine.

There apparently are some things that never change.

A year ago, I wondered if he was going to be a healthy kid, whether labor was going to be difficult, how well I was going to be able to sleep on the fold-out chair/cot-type thing?

you know. Big-picture important stuff.

Now, I still concern myself with his well-being and mine.

I guess a big part of this parenting thing is concern for your child and his or her surroundings, how he affects them, and vice versa. I don't anticipate this changing, but it does amaze me that the same type of things seems to be right out front... Is that enough lunch for him? Is that too much lunch for him? Can he climb up that? If he climbs up that and falls, is he going to break? If he breaks, am I going to get in trouble?

Speaking of breaking him... None of the latest pictures of his latest war wound have made their way onto the site yet. For those who haven't heard, Harry managed to wriggle himself away from me last Sunday morning, and decided that it would be much more fun to try to stand on his chin rather than his feet. The floor didn't agree, and several bloodied towels later, he's got a nice wound, just in time for his big day.

That's the first time I've really been scared by the little guy. Sure he's had his share of bumps, bruises, topples and such, but this is the first time that one has bled. I mean REALLY bled. The fat lip that his crib inflicted on him a few months back doesn't really count, if for no other reason, he didn't cry. This time he did. Hysterically. Tough part is though, the hysterical cry is relatively difficult to distinguish from his run-of-the-mill "I don't wanna.." yelp. As I mentioned though, this time the blood certainly cleared things up.

Let's add to this whole scenario that it happened when I was holding his hands... Not Kim (can't blame it on her), Bailey wasn't anywhere near, and he certainly didn't get to that point on his own... All me. Way to go Super Dad. You just let your kid gnash his face up the week before one of the biggest parties of his career!!

After the fact of course, cooler heads (and by heads I mean Kim) prevailed, and all was well. Nothing a bright green band-aid and a bottle couldn't fix. An off to swim class we went.

So now the big weekend is upon us. I can't believe its gone by so quickly (that sounds vaguely reminiscent of a similar comment I made around this time last year regarding Kim's pregnancy), and I really hope I don't look up one day and he's off to college somewhere. I think we've done a relatively good job of savoring this year.

If we have actually forgotten any of it, Kim certainly has enough pictures to prove it all.

So, enough about me. I got to talk to my baby tonight! I noticed last week, after taking off work to spend Friday with him, he seemed even more attached to me.

But, back to me, after spending three straight days with him, I am the one who is super attached right back at him! He is just as cute as can be, and we have so much fun together. Even though I won’t get to see him tomorrow, Kevin dialed my number and handed the phone to Harry (even though, technically, the 911 operator banned him from using it). I got to here all about his day! I learned he did not go night night today, because night night is bad. And he was getting ready to go night night at nighttime. And Ah picked him up and he got to play with Aiey. You could tell he was tired, because it was a pretty mellow conversation, rather than the usual drama and exclamations. This kid gets more fun every single day! I just love him!

I am looking forward to getting his pictures back this week. Susan Hornyak, our wedding photographer, invited us over to take some shots of him last Friday. From where I was standing, I think she got some good ones. He is very practiced in front of the camera! Plus, he had on his very cool green and white seersucker shorts.

Also looking forward to Harry’s birthday next week. First trip to the zoo on Friday, 50 yellow balloons and a big yellow vegan birthday cake for Saturday.

Okay, back to work for me! Must take advantage of my time away.

Serendipity II

I had dinner with my friend Claudia tonight. She said her sister in law asked her an interesting question. She asked, and I am paraphrasing here, what others would find difficult about being in a relationship with her. I could not think of my own #1 difficulty straight off. Kevin mentioned something about being a fan of the Dixie Chicks. Surely there must be something greater.

Well, while googling tonight, I realized my difficulty: I find weaknesses in people and gnaw at it. I think it is probably a defense mechanism of some sort...maybe out of some inherent dislike for emotional weakness? I don't think everyone should be a rock, but I think everyone should be happy. Oh! Maybe it's some sort if disease I picked up at cheerleading camp! Some sort of twisted need to perk everyone up! But isn't that the new flaw of superparents everywhere: forcing happiness and fulfillment on our kids? Why not the population at large?
I am not backing down, though. I think everyone should be happy. I think maybe I just need to deal with this desire in a different way.

I came across something tonight that spelled out in plain words something I have suspected all along. It spelled out that there are people I know who are unhappy. My first instinct is to use the information I have gathered to gnaw at them, subtly making them feel worse. Awful, I know. But my brain kicked in. It told me this was wrong. But then the little evil dude came back. He said that I have not been the only one at fault.

What we need is a compromise. I am just going to be nice. I am going to stop complaining. I am going to enjoy my own happiness. I am going to stop being annoying!

I am sure sleep deprivation doesn't help. It kind of brings out the worst in you. I, and I guess the people around me, am lucky that I have been given the opportunity to get more sleep than many parents of 1 year olds. I am fortunate to have the world's greatest husband ever, a person who is willing to wake up at all hours of the night with his little boy. Don't think I am not grateful! I also appreciate having the energy provided by a reasonably decent night's sleep to play with my little bug at 6am when he wakes up, to crawl around on the floor with him, and to appreciate his giggles! Harry's dad gets to sleep during this time. We need to work on getting him some more sleep though...not that he is complaining. Kevin has not complained for a moment since Harry was born...at least not about Harry! If anyone has stepped up to the challenge of fatherhood, it is Kevin. Not that I am the least bit surprised.

I miss them now. I am in Boston for three days. Three day trips are hard, but I remind myself that traveling a couple of days a month is better than commuting through traffic each day. And Harry is the happiest guy! Willful, but happy. I think, even at this young age, our personalities are very similar. His is pretty basic right now, so it is pretty easy to uncover. I also remember my own thoughts from my childhood. I have not changed that much. At least, I haven't strayed from my basic personality. This fact...well, I am not sure if that will make it easier or harder to mold Harry's personality. No one likes a bully...least of all a psychological bully. It is nice to have the potential insight into his thoughts, but apparently I have not tamed my own all that well. I will have to work on that.

In the meantime, I think we are both lucky to have Kevin in our lives. I have often referred to him as my anchor, that is, until he referred to an anchor as the big heavy thing that weighs you down and keeps you from going anywhere. In DG, our anchor (the one delivered to the Beta Sigma Chapter by way of the Panama Canal) symbolized hope. I interpret it as the grounding force that keeps you from losing yourself.

Yourself.

The person that is always with you. Why not choose to be around someone you like? If you have a problem, fix it. And when you are strong, you can look back at where you have come from and be glad for it all. If your path had diverged, you would have been different. Your life would have been different. The people in your life would be different. Personally, I like where my own life has led me, and I especially like the people who surround me. At the risk of sounding too proud, I am especially pleased that I recognize this. I will try harder to make it known to those around me

Accidents... Fortunate accidents.

May the road rise up to meet all of you.

And may my son not be the type of person who gnaws on peoples spirits.

Serendipity

I was at the airport the other day---oh, you've heard this one? It's a different spin, I promise. This is about appreciating where you are, because you never know what sort of fortunate accidents will take shape around you.

I woke up at 2 AM Tuesday for my 5:30 AM flight from BWI to Augusta. I was able to log almost a full day on site, but on the turbo prop from Augusta to Charlotte (where I happened to be the only person on the plane that did not have a baseball cap, a polo shirt and a penis since the Masters' were in town) exhaustion hit. Once we landed I regrouped and sprinted across the Charlotte airport to my gate, only to find that the plane to BWI had not even arrived yet. Once it did, there were mechanical troubles. Once those were fixed, the crew timed out (the FAA allows them to work only 15 hours. Having worked 18 at that point, I was not sympathetic).
So, we had to de-plane. Of course, I was behind the man with the too-big-for-the-overhead suitcase, so by the time I got to Special Services, I was pretty much the last one in line.
If you have ever met me, you would know that I do not like to be the last in line. So, rather then throw myself on the ground kicking and sceaming, I called my travel agent. There was nothing she could do without charging me, but slyly suggested that rather then wait in line to potentially get assigned to the 10:45 flight to BWI, I get myself to the gate for the 9:10 DCA flight. It was 8:40 at that point.
This is where my luck began to change. At the start of my mad dash, I came across a US Airways club. Since I had taken the time to track down my club room card that very morning, I was able to burst in and obtain a seat on the DCA flight. No line! I obtained the very last non-center seat! But, I still had to get to the other side of the airport . Again. I started my sprint. Serendipitously, I was wearing sneakers. The only appropriate shoes I'd had that morning to go with my sweet southern outfit were 4 inch heels, so I'd packed the New Blances.
I ended up passing my actual gate, D1, to go to D10, but I made it back to the correct gate in time to board my row. Whew! I had just enough cell phone power to let Kevin know my fligt plan had changed.
The night was not a complete loss. Harry would have been asleep by the time I got home anyway. Plus, I'd actually had some time in the book store to learn Rebecca Wells had written another book. Ya-Yas in Bloom. This had me thinking some pretty pink and blue thoughts, but I was still pretty cranky, especially when I got to the cab line at Reagan National and found they were in "inefficient mode." Inefficient mode would be when all of the cabs load on one side of the airport, ignoring the line I am in. Inefficient mode would when the dispatcher allows the two peopel behnd me to get into DC cabs and there is not an Alexandria cab to be found. No, it's not all about me...maybe a little more than usual when I am cranky...mostly it is about being fair. Being tired makes my brain stick, and rules and fairness become the order of the day.
To make matters worse, when I finally do get in the cab, he talks to me. THE WHOLE TIME. I'd been awake for 21 hours at this point, I did not want to talk. Instead I listened and politely nodded. It seems the driver, Moe, an Indian man educated in England, was laid off from his job as a flight engineer, a job that paid him half a million when he was doing contract work. Seems computers had taken over the field. He's been interviewing, but was doing what he could to pay the bills.
The next day, Moe picked me up at precisely 11:00 AM to take me to find my car at BWI. We got to chat a little more along the way. He is an interesting man. He has a reasonably thick accent, which was especially hard to understand with all of the windows in the car down, but I followed along fairly well.
As he got to talking, I began to appreciate the conversation more and more. It was a beautiful day, I got to relax for an hour, and was able to enjoy good conversation from an interesting person. All that was missing was a cup of coffee!
Moe has four kids. Mostly grown. All but one went to college on scholarshp. The youngest is currently serving in the military. The oldest is finishing his residency as a reconstructive plastic surgeon. Moe helps him out as much as he can.
He showed me three "love letters" from Mercedes Benz. It seems he know longer has the car, but still owes $20,000 on it. He has decided he can only pay for what he can pay for. He still flies all over the world on interviews. Flights are free but the hotel bills are getting expensive. He goes to work every day beginning at noon, but has offered to pick me up any hour of the day, even at 3AM to go back to BWI on the 29th.
He decided it was important to prioritize. His children are not a burden to him, but he helps them as much as possible, including buying expensive equiptment for his son the surgeon. His son does not ask for these things, but they are things he needs. It is Moe's choice to buy them.

Moe told me another story about how you shoudln't mess with nature. If you do not respect its rules, it will come back and get you. When you are in a hurry, the worst thing you can do is rush. It sounded like your basic story from the wise, old Indian man. He talked about Buddhist monks who have their hair ripped out the first time, before it is later shaved, so that they can experience suffering and learn that the rest of life is so much easier. He talked a bit about Einstein's theories. I don't know enough about physic to recite which ones.
His point: when you are rushing to get somewhere, write down your parking spot so you don't spend two days searching for your car!
Interesting moral! We had a good laugh about it. And then he asked me if I had my car keys!

Luckily, i did. I beleive in karma, and I don't mess with nature whenever possible. I have forgotten things enough times to know I'd better double check.
Moe's story was a good reminder though. It seems he had once been in a hurry, and had once spent two days in a parking lot in Germany walking up and down each aisle, lookingfor his car.

I thanked Moe for the conversation. He thanked me as well, even more sincerely. I think he was relieved to be able to talk about his problems. I promised to call him for my future travels.
Had my flight not been delayed, I may not have found my Ya-ya book.

I may not have been reading my email at 11:45 PM to get a message from ANdrew reminding me to register for the Marine Corps Marathon at midnight. I did it. I got in! I may have been still traveling to BWI, or stuck in Charlotte. I may not have seen my baby the next morning.

I may not have met Moe. I may not have found a new local driver. My old one has disappeared, and since seeing a rat in the parking lot last week at DCA, I have been reluctant to leave my car there.

I was able to enjoyd good conversation, which I don't have much time for these days.

Moe suggested I take a new route back home, using 395, which I usually avoid. It was quicker, and prettier. I was able to see the cherry blossoms, which I probably would have forgotten about again this year,until it was too late.

Moe was able to get a couple of nice fares. A trip to BWI is not chump change! Perhaps he also gained something from the conversation. Perhaps more goodwill will go towards his son, the surgeon, who will complete his education and join Doctors Without Borders, helping children in the third world recover from facial disformities.

I started to think on the way home about how I could relate this for Harry. Perhaps the advice I can realy for the future is to do just what he is doing right now, enjoying the moment. It is important to plan for the future, but also to get the most out of today.
A good friend of mine, Claudette, and I were talking a while back. We both think we are reasonably care feee, spontaneous people. We are both up for a good roller blade at a moments notice on a Tuesday afternoon. Her sister, Sue, a very reasonable woman, pointed out to Claudette that she is the least spontaneous person she has ever met. Perhaps some would say the same about me. But the thing is, we find if you plan well, you are able to get the most out of life, and to some extent, better able to live in the moment. Life truly is about the journey, and not the destination, but when you have completed your travels, don't you want to have had the best journey to look back on?
Kevin has mentioned in a previous blog that we have big plans for Harry. When I mentioned that my biggest plan for him is to be happy, Kevin disagreed. He thinks I want more from him. I think what I want is for him to get as much as he can out of life, and never settle. I want to provide him with the opportunities to know what he wants. I also want these things for him:
* To live a life without regret.
* To learn to do a standing back flip
* To have purple hair (for a short time).
* To listen to people, to hear their story, to learn from them.
* To be kind to his grandparents.
* To think for himself.
* To stop and see the cherry blossoms.
* To write down his parking garage number.

I am enjoying kmy journey...most of the time. I could only do that back flip on a trampoline. My hair has been green, but only from chlorine. There are a couple of peopel I could have been kinder to. I don't like to talk about it, but I try to learn from it.

Oh the times, they are a-changing...

I won't bother mentioning how long it's been since my last post, as I'm sure folks are keeping score, and needless to say, Kim has certainly provided herself with an insurmountable lead.

That said, you may have noticed that one of her more recent posts was a quick note about Harry's 1st birthday being right around the corner.

Let me just repeat that last part because it sounded vaguely important...

Harry's first birthday is right around the corner.

It's been well over a year since we began with this online endeavor. We've run the gamut of apprehension and anxiety to elation and excitement. From sleepless nights to naps on the couch. It's been a year of firsts, and yet they still keep coming, with many more on the way. From the first visit home, to the first rollover (and the second shortly thereafter - not even remotely resembling yours truly). The first doctor's visit, to what seemed like perfect justification for frequent flyer points redemption at the prescription counter.

Harry has gone from the giggly gurgling newborn to a real little kid... Dimples and all. Kim has come full circle from hardcore exercise enthusiast and health nut, to more chocolate than even I could eat, to incredible mom who yet again manages to balance pilates classes, personal fitness training sessions, and enough business trips in a month to make a seasoned jet-setter sleepy, all while still making time for daily daycare pickups, trips to the organic market, and quality playtime. She does an incredible job, and deserves every single belly laugh she gets from the little guy. My own transformation has been from a nervous wreck who dreaded that first e-ticket intinerary that Kim was eventually going to get, to someone who actually enjoys getting to play single dad every now and then. It gives me a certain sense of accomplishment to be able to get him off on his day, and me on mine, without the world imploding. That said, there's nothing I love more than to see the smile on Harry's face when Kim gets home (assuming Bailey's howling for the same reason doesn't make him scream).

For whatever reason, I have only vague recollections of a good deal of my childhood. As many of you would guess, and presumably agree, Kim thinks I'm a freak because of this. I don't know exactly why, only that the specific memories I do have seem rather unrelated and non-particular. Which brings us to the original intention of this site. I really want Harry to be able to look back one day, and realize precisely why he's as wacky as he is (and by wacky I mean thoughtful, insightful, individual, free-thinking etc... All the things that kids are rarely known for being). After Kim writes her book on her perspective of Parenting in the 21st century, and how twisted a sense of reality so many are force-fed when it comes to the subject, Harry can see where it all came from.

Hopefully by then, when he has taken the reins to HarryMcD.com, he hasn't turned it into something lewd, as many seem to assume is the ONLY reason the internet & websites exist, but has turned it into something useful at least to him, perhaps even to others.

We have such grand visions for our son, and certainly want the best for him, as any parents would. It's extremely reassuring to know that everyone else who has had such a profound interest in him and his goings-on here, want the same thing.

To you all, I think I can speak for all of us when I say thank you for your continued support and well-wishes, and we all are looking forward to even more incredible stories for year 2!