Just what I was thinking!

This month's Sesame Street Newsletter has a lot in common with what is going on at our house now, so I thought I would share and compare.

YOUR 22-MONTH-OLD
Sesame Beginnings Newsletter
Posted by Grace Bennett
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***Say Hello to "No"
***Getting to "Yes"
***Getting to Know Grandparents
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***SAY HELLO TO "NO"
Have you been getting "no" for an answer a lot lately?
Well of course! But some of those no's most certainly mean yes!

As toddlers cruise through the second half of their second year, they seem to become quite
fond of that word. In our house, Ari seems to feel wonderfully empowered
by it. It's as if he suddenly discovered that he has veto power over virtually anything I say or do, whether it's popping a video into the VCR ("No A-B-C-D tape!") or pulling a pair of socks out of his dresser drawer ("No socks!").
I have to admit that as frustrating as I sometimes find all this nay-saying, I'm also fascinated by it.
I agree here. I think it is usually very cute. I love the scrunched up face, finger shaking no's, and the matter-of-fact No's, and the are-you -kidding-me No's. They are cute. I like that Harry can assert himself, and that he has an opinion. It is sometimes disregarded or compromised, but I like that he has an opinion. He is, after all, a person.

I profoundly admire Ari's ability to say "no" with such conviction.
(Actually, it's a skill I've always meant to work on!)
Me too!

I can't help getting a kick out of Ari's sheer pleasure in rejecting my every question and demand, even when it's something he's perfectly willing to do:
-- "Please get off the table, Ari."
-- "No."
-- "Would you like some apple slices?"
-- "No!" (As he proceeds to devour them).
Same here!

Family and friends tell me, "Uh-oh. Looks like he's hit the terrible twos," but this stage doesn't seem so terrible to me.
Me neither. In fact, I prefer these No's to the sad cries of not being able to express himself.

In fact, I've learned, experts say that all these noes you're hearing actually represent a positive, desirable development. They signify your child's need to carve out an identity separate from you. He's trying to learn and understand his own preferences--to delineate what he likes and what he doesn't. So you want to encourage your child in this area, but you also want to preserve your sanity.
***GETTING TO "YES"
It's important to give your child license to say "no." You don't want to be constantly admonishing him for something that's practically his prerogative at this age.
That's what I say!

When it's really not important (for example, which video to watch or what socks to wear), take the no in stride and ask your toddler to pick out something he prefers instead. Let him bask in that "I'm king of the jungle" feeling, at least for the moment.
Paradoxically, cutting your toddler some slack will make it easier to enforce your will when you have to.
Exactly! Kevin claims I am the good cop, but I just like to pick my battles for when they are really important, like having me quickly push Harry's car to the parking lot where he can drive it versus him driving it himself in the middle of the street, or not holding hands on the sidewalk versus having to hold hands in the street. I want Harry to make his own decisions and to learn how to make the right ones, but with guidance from us. I want him to know there is a time when it is in his best interest to listen to us. I let him try things himself, like peeling an orange, but he knows to ask for "He(l)p" when he cannot do it himself. we have gotten several compliments over how independant Harry is, followed up by that "it's nice to see!" We are still careful not to create a little demon child as we seem to have done with oour dog.

Soon you may need to put your foot down over something non-negotiable (like getting into his car seat), and that's fine. In this as in many other areas, your child really needs you to be firm, calm and clear about boundaries. Reserve your own noes for the big things. In time, your child will figure out the circumstances in which his noes don't get him very far.
Exactly!

You can also give your toddler practice in saying "yes." This strategy has worked well for me in the cups department, for example, once a source of great consternation in our home. Ari would become quite agitated if I simply presented him with a cup of juice or milk without first seeking his input. So now I'll ask, "Hey, Ari, would you like the dinosaur cup for your juice or the mermaid one?" and he's happy to pick one or the other.
"Do you want to watch Dora?"

***GETTING TO KNOW GRANDPARENTS
One thing I know Ari will always say "yes" to is a visit with his grandparents. He looks forward to slurping Grandma Bluma's chicken soup (the best!), reading books on Grandma Ruth's lap, watching Poppy sew, or simply conversing back and forth with Grandpa Roy.
Whether your and your partner's parents are just across town or a plane ride away, it's a wonderful thing for your child to get to know them (and other older relatives, too).
"Grandparents offer the kind of love and freedom a parent can't always offer," says Amy Flynn, director of the Bank Street Family Center in New York. "They're not worried about getting the laundry done or dishes washed. They're focused on being with and enjoying their time with their grandchild. And your child is the lucky recipient of it all."
Well, first off, that is what I do as well. I was talking to May about this yesterday. We think that when we are with our kids they should get our at least close to full attention. I save the laundrey for when Harry is asleep. But, moving on to grandparents, Harry got to see some of those this past weekend. I have a site in NJ and Harry had a birthday party to attend in NJ for Noah, so I took him up with me Thursday night. My mom watched Harry on Friday and he did very well. I was pleasantly surprised. He mentioned "Home" a couple of times but seemed to enjoy being there. Harry also got to see Pop Pop on Saturday. He entertained Harry in the car to and from the party near Pt. Pleasant, and Pop Pop thinks Harry is "neat." Part of this "neat-ness" stems from Harry pointing to the dead deer on the wall and refrring to it by her given name, "Martha."

It works both ways, too. Your child can bring your parents and in-laws a pure joy you may never have seen in them before!
To foster this closeness when you're visiting, try to arrange little activities that allow your child and her grandparent to bond without your involvement. Bring along some of her favorite books and ask your mother if she'd like to read them to your child. Suggest that little Jake might love to "help" in the kitchen, and show your mom the toddler-safe ways you've devised (like slicing a cucumber with a plastic knife). If you're lucky enough to have parents or in-laws who are willing to babysit, all the better. Nothing's cozier for grandparents and grandkids than time spent hanging out alone together.
Have a peaceful month with your little no-bot!
That's funny!

Next month I'll write to you about the potty and other discoveries your toddler may be making.
Best wishes,
Grace Bennett
Grace Bennett is a mother of two living in Chappaqua, New York, and a frequent contributor to Sesame Workshop.
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So anyway, that's the updates on Harry for now. He is still as cute as ever. It is really cool to have conversations with him. I can't wait until it gets warm out because he refuses to wear mittens outside most of the time. He toy-tested teh Dora play house at Isabella's on Saturday so , yes, I bought it for him. He loves it. And yes, I had the Barbie playhouse but so what? I didn't by it so he coudl have everything under the sun. He doesn't even know most toys exist. I bought it to both make my life easier and because he loves dora at the moment and because it would be great if it actually teaches him Spanish and it will improve his imagination. Learning through play. I don't work just to pay the mortgage. What fun would that be?

And speaking of spending money, I have officially booked Harry's second birthday party at The Little Gym on April 22 at 3:30. Invites will follow for our 20 most favorite little kids. If you are an adult that would like to check out the action on the "birthday party circuit" let us know. They are a lot of fun to watch!

This year's party will be following a Curious George theme. I think next year we will do an Earth Day Birthday. I am already tossing ideas around in my head, and am looking for someone to conduct activities such as tie-dying and worm hunting (fake of course). Meg- want to plan a trip for next April 22nd?