Happy Kids

It is amazing how far Harry has come, especially when it comes to bath time.

He has enjoyed his bath from the start, but was so attached to his little bath hammock, he continued to lounge in the baby tub long after he was able to sit up. But, as you all know, he tends to linger near the 95% and we were having trouble squeezing him into the tub. So, once our bathroom projects were complete, it was time fro the big bath.

The big bath was enjoyable for him, and he allowed us to complete the task at hand, but he did not express much interest in his toys. He would sometimes pick up a duck or two, but that was about it. This has significantly changed over the past couple of weeks. I now stack most of his toys around the tub where he can reach them, and he crawls and walks all over the place making sure every last one is in the water with him! His favorites are his alphabet letters and his little plastic fish.

I know we are lucky to have a happy kid, but I like to think that most inherent traits need to be encouraged or dissuaded. I like to also think we are good parents. It seems easy for us. But I also think a great deal of that is how you define easy. We were well versed in what to expect, so have not been blind sided by anything so far. We constantly compare notes with friends. Share books. Definitely share toy and video ideas! And a lot of the reason Harry is happy is because we sing to him, jump around like idiots, do “scary feet” (The Monsters, Inc. version of the “happy feet” exercise), make silly faces, etc. We smile at him, he smiles back. He really doesn't have a choice in teh matter.
We try to stimulate him, but also let him do his own thing. This is what the parents I know also do. What we define as good parenting is always on our minds, and is constantly evolving. Evolution is important, or we will cease to exist as a society.

A person I know asked me the other day if Harry is in daycare every day. Others have asked me this as well. It is not so much an unreasonable question, but the tone that comes along with it undeniably sometimes is. The judgemental voices usually come from others who did not seem happy with teh ones that they have made. Or else fault peopel like me for our stupidity. But I was formula fed. I obvioulsy hav ea sub-threshold IQ. But, since the last person who asked me this was too overwhelmed with her own life to listen to more than a yes/no answer, I felt the need to document my views on daycare here.

• Harry goes to daycare every day. Our child is adaptable, but he thrives on consistency. I have actually begun picking him up later in the afternoon, rather than at 3:00 like I used to. Changing his schedule affects how he sleeps, how he behaves and even how alert he is when he gets home at the end of the day. We seem to have more quality time when we pick him up at the same time each day. This doesn’t mean we never give him a day off. After all, we do enjoy his company.

• While Harry is in daycare, he does not have to be dragged all over town running errands. We accomplish what we need to while Harry is “at school” and we spend quality time with him during the other 16 hours of the day. He will go to teh store sometimes with him, but usually because he needs an outing.
  

• My mother worried that when Harry went to daycare he would be neglected and left in a corner. Turns out, he is the life of the party. I was a shy kid, more than likely so was Kevin. Harry seems to have no trouble making friends or speaking his mind. We are working on that last part, especially when it comes to sticking his hands in Bailey's eyes and tossing holding his sippy cup over the edge of his highchair tray like a madman threatening to jump.
  

• Others worry children will become too attached to their caregiver. Harry is attached. Yes. I view this as a good thing. He looks forward to seeing Menike and his friends. He makes it clear when he wants someone to pick him up. And they oblige. But he has no trouble leaving. Ever since has been able to, he cruises across the room towards us, huffing and puffing like a puppy dog and squealing with glee. I see nothing wrong with providing more people for Harry to love.

• I have heard parents say that only they can raise their children the way they prefer and instill the proper values. The thing here is, we CHOSE our provider from hundreds in the area. We screened her, got to know her, checked references. Her values are similar to ours, and in areas where they may differ, she respects our wishes. And Harry learns about diversity in the process. Seriously, do you really think we would leave him just anywhere? EVen when we send Bailey away, it is with a ten page list of rules and only to people with similar values (those who will let her sleep in bed with them).
  

So, as you can see, we are very happy with our choice. Being stuck at home with a mother who is exhausted and lonely and feeling guilty about her choices is not necessarily best for a child either. Some moms do a great job at home with their kids, and learn how to balance their own needs as well.They often have other friends who stay home, or join Mommy Groups (unless they served Vodka Tonics or were part of a Baby Jogger Fitness Group, I think I would kill myself first, but I also never thought I would dance around by myself to Toddler Tunes). I put these latter women in the good mom category. Someone who “does not take (enough alone time) to shave her armpits,” as my friend Lisa puts it, in my opinion, is doing a disservice to her child. And these are the exact people who seem to question my choices. I don’t like these people. I feel better with highlights, a pedicure and a good workout. I feel better having meaningful employment. I feel better sharing Harry equally with my husband. I think Harry is better off for it. Children deserve mothers who shave their pits! Maybe that can be the name of my new group. Anyone interested? We'll be serving Vodka Martinis.