The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon…
(What I was doing last week while Kevin was home with H)

That’s the song that runs through my head whenever I travel. Especially on long trips. Like last week in Boston.

Here’s the story behind Harry Chapin’s song:

http://www.harrychapin.com/circle/winter04/behind.htm

Here’s the story surrounding Harry McDermott:

It’s been over a year now since Harry arrived via C-section. Almost 14 months!

Some people give you a “that’s okay, maybe next time look” when they hear about the caesarean…except for my urologist who can hardly contain her joy. Less kegels for me!

Although I panicked for ten minutes leading up to the event, I originally wanted one (a C-section) - actually, it has been my preferred method of childbirth since I learned of it in the early 80s. I KNOW how wide my hips are. I can do some math.

I think the surgery went very well. Tiny scar, healthy baby. Why would anyone want a natural child birth? Why would a woman CHOOSE to feel like she is being ripped apart from the inside out? I just cannot understand it. Sure, women have given birth naturally for many, many years. Many, many of them died. I am sure many, many of them would have preferred to be sedated, and in a hospital, and with nurses to take care of them. This is the abridged version of my rant. Most of you are familiar.

I had a few weeks off after Harry was born, but soon it was back to work. I wouldn’t exactly say panic ensued, but I was a bit nervous about the planes I had to catch. From the moment he was born, Harry was the greatest person, and he deserves to have a mom. I don’t have a whole lot of control over whether my plane stays in the air, but I do try to weave some Wiccan magick.

There are bills to pay. Student loans, mortgages, credit cards…but I think I would work regardless. On the days when I spend 24 hours with Harry, I feel like I miss out on quality time. I feel like I spend so much more concentrated time with him when we only have a few hours together in a day. I also think vacations are important, a bigger house, and lots of opportunities. These things might sound materialistic to some, but I think these things make our lives better, especially the vacations. I treasure the time we spend together as a family.

I think it is okay if Harry misses us a little. I think it is okay if he experiences things without us. I think we are all well suited to the life we currently lead. I think spending a little bit of time apart helps us appreciate each other more.

Harry learns some new things while he is at school, or during the times I am away, but most things he learns develop over time. He didn’t learn to walk in one day. It’s been a process. He plays a lot of things very cool anyway, so it’s not as if he gets that excited over new things anyway! Often, when he does something new, he acts as though it is no big deal and life’s always been that way. I can understand that.

I also think I set a good example for Harry by going to work. I have stated these things before. If you want my entire view on this, shoot me an email. Happy to discuss. Also, for the record, I have the utmost respect for people who choose to stay home with their kids and enjoy the time spent with them. The utmost respect. The same is not true for those who seem miserable with their choices and take it out on their kids. Big difference.

Back to Harry...

He’s been talking as long as I’ve known him. You just have to listen. Being away hasn’t ruined that. It’s made me listen harder. He doesn't always use consonants, but he goes on and on and on and on...

He’s already so much like me, but with his father’s passion for cookies! When I was a kid, I craved adventure. I didn’t want to stay home. And I was independent. I remember the thoughts I had as a very young child. Harry is fine. I have few worries about Harry.

I’ve liked Cat’s in the Cradle for a very long time. It’s run through my head for a long time, even when I was a child. I decided back then what kind of life I would have, and what kind of parent I’d be. Things have turned out pretty much as planned. Only, when I was younger and I heard the song, I worried that I wouldn’t make time for my family. I now think I make a very conscious effort to have lots of quality time together, and to make up for any lost time as much as possible. I think I may be neglecting Kevin a little, tiny bit.

I know Harry misses me when I am gone, but we do have a good time when I get home. He still has boundaries to follow. I don’t spoil him to make up for lost time, unless you consider crawling around on the floor together spoiling. Harry knows he is loved, and he is thriving.

I will need to work on that part of the equation. I think the song has made me very aware of what can result from our choices.

Cat's in the Cradle
by Sandy & Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."