Soooooo...house is under contract! It pretty much sold the second it went on sale...which is very cool but not unexpected in this neighborhood. The house sold to a family that is 7.5 months pregnant. We loved Geoff and Corey, the first people who looked at it, but it does seem like these other folks need it more. I hope they enjoy themselves here.
Soooooo, now I can go buy the mini van that I need. I need cup holders. I know there is an SUV commercial making fun of people who need cup holders, but that's okay. May just bought one. And K&K and G&B love theirs as well. What's so derogatory about being a soccer mom anyway? Sports are important. It is important to be well rounded. Sports provide stress release and improve focus and aid in good mental health. Soccer good. Plus, we have images of Stacy's Mom to aim for. Plus, 90% of people surveyed think SUV drivers are un-patriotic. Pete still has the Merceds SUV on his lot...but it doesn't have as many cupholders...or seats, or cargo space...
We enjoyed a casual dinner with Dan & Janie tonight. We all cooked. I almost literally Chickened Out and stop there for my broccolli and rice...but I dug in my heels and boiled some water. I think my portion turned out excellent, as did teh others. We do need to look into getting a bigger dining room table now, though. We started pricing porch swings and adirondacks for the new place...WAY ceaper than I thought, so we may be able to afford dining room furniture after all.
Harry was very well behaved during dinner. This is not atypical, but he had already eaten his dinner when we started ours. Normally when he is done eating he wants OUT of that chair. Plus, someone packed up his crayons so we didn't have that option. He has been into drawing lately. He has created quite a few works of art.
Recent news...cousin Zoe came by for a visit while stuck in DC on her journey up the east coast...I remember 16. Do you? Zoe is great, and we were glad she got to meet the little bug.
Harry is way into straws right now. Have to remember to keep those diet cokes away from him. He drank down my lemonade this weekend...but it entertaind him for an hour at the Gnats game where we got to hang out with Mikki and Lynchie for the first time in a while. Hopefully we will have some more time to interact once Harry's new friend is born.
Uncle Dunkey stopped by tonight to prove he can show up while I am at home.
:-)
He usually only stops by when I am away.
Uncle Dunkey is funny. Meant to post a month or so ago last time he baby sat...he was very worried about doing a good job, or at least suspecting we thought he would not. Very funny. I suspect anyone who is worried about doing a good job doesn't need us to worry. He has energy and common sense. And a cell phone. And he likes the little guy. He gets my vote for the best baby sitter award (no small thanks to Mrs. Uncle Dunkey---who just started her new job! Hope it went well!!!).
Took some time off today to go to the pool with H and A. H likes to jump in. No fear whatsoever. We are going to need to work on that for those times when no one is looking. He also spent about half an hour sharing a rock with the lifeguard. Poor kid. I don't think he knew when he could stop (the lifeguard, that is). Luckily, no one else was in the water!
Melissa and Pete Deacon get married this weekend. I pick up my Shrek Green bridesmaid dress this today. $80 worth of alterations for my size 16 bridesmaid dress. I wasn't a size 16 when I was pregnant. I'm 5'1". It's pretty hard to be a size 16 when you are my height, but they insisted. The color makes me look like Princess Fiona (not the most attractive of teh princesses), but I am the one who pushed for Kiwi. Shhhh! It's still better than raspberry!
The dress is actually a great cut. ANd I LOVE bridesmaid dresses in general! Really. Did you read above? I also like Mini Vans...and the weather channel. Storm stories rock! Harry likes teh weather maps.
What I don't like? Rude people who are hateful and negative and attempt to suck the life out of you. Ugh! I need to go running and release some negative energy befor my Karma gets all messed up. It's been shaky lately. I try to give myself the advice I would give others, but that's no fun! The situation is being corrected. I need to let it go. I don't want it to rub off on H.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Well, it looks like we bought a new house! We had the home inspection today, and NOTHING IS WRONG WITH IT! Whew! Let's hope it stays that way!
We had not been planning to jump into anything quite so soon, but after looking at a few and seeing how much work most of them needed, we decided we really like the one we found! (See photo below). Walking through, it wasnÂ’t too hard to picture how most of our things would fit in, because we seem to have most of the same things as the people who already live there (the bikes & wetsuits, the computers, the dog,even the 1 year old!). Other aspects of the house, such as the new kitchen, have all of the features that we would add if we were to design it ourselves (the stainless steel appliances, the undermount sink, even the drawer pulls). The gated front porch is a great feature. I canÂ’t wait to add some Adirondack chairs, a porch swing, and a couple of hanging ferns! We also love the flagstone patio and pathway in the backyard, as well as the magnolia tree. I am going to miss the hydrangea I have been nurturing over the past year (we got it to turn blue & purple!), but hopefully we will find a good spot to plant a new one.
We lived in Delray for a while, and somehow ended up further down the parkway when we bought our current house a little more than 2 years ago. We are now looking forward to moving back to the City of Alexandria, where we will be closer to our friends, our jobs (no more commuting through Old Town with it'’s bridge construction and 25 traffic lights) and even the Rec. Center (Chinquapin) & dog park. A few of our friends are now even in walking distance!
The neighborhood appears friendly and well cared for. The current homeowners confirmed that, and friend Kelly added that a few of Hannah's classmates live close by to the new place. We will miss a couple of our current neighbors, but we are looking forward to gaining back the sense of community with left behind in Delray.
I think we would all be very happy there. It was also the only place we looked at that Harrison seemed to feel comfortable in. It also doesnÂ’t hurt that there is a playground right across the street.
I guess in a way we will be ending a chapter of our lives. The house we are leaving is the first house weÂ've owned. It is where we first brought Harry home to, and celebrated his 1st birthday. It'’s where he learned how to walk. It's also where we've spent hours chatting with friends over dinner and drinks. It's close to where Kevin plays hockey, Harry swims, and I run. But, the floors are crooked, the roof leaks, the dishwasher only opens halfway.
QUOTE OF THE DAY - When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. Alexander Graham Bell (1847 - 1922)
Looking forward to the first champagne toast. Oh, and by the the, we met the dogs today. Turns out there are 2. I heard them barking as I approached. Could have sworn it was Bailey...and it was. A beagle named Bailey who looks just like our chick (maybe with a few extra pounds) and her pal Ginger! Ginger is a rescue and Bailey, ironically, is a 7 year old pedigree. I am assuming they have the same quirks. So, this means the house is not only baby proofed, but Bailey proofed!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Coppertone Kid
Is it bad that one of my subconscious goals is to lighten Harry's hair and tan his skin?
He makes such a cute beach baby! And he LOVES to be outside!
Spent another day at the pool. Made a new friend on our block (Ella. She's one, too!). Got to see Janie, who's been very sick for a while. Also enjoyed the beautiful evening in Old Town. Some music from the Waterfront Festival filled the air.
New molars are coming in. Ouch! Sad, drooly, and a little bit attached to Mommy. Just Mommy. Except I am "Mammy." I shoudl start calling Harry Scarlet. I think Kevin is "MaMa." Food is called "Yummy." All food. ANother new word is "Bwah," as in: "Bwah, bwah, bwah." It is possible that it is translated to mean "Blah, blah, blah," as in "All you people say is 'Blah, blah, blah!' " Or, it could be the sound made when he covers his mouth with his hand, something else he learned to do last week.
Did I mention he is the cutest? And so sweet!
Is it bad that one of my subconscious goals is to lighten Harry's hair and tan his skin?
He makes such a cute beach baby! And he LOVES to be outside!
Spent another day at the pool. Made a new friend on our block (Ella. She's one, too!). Got to see Janie, who's been very sick for a while. Also enjoyed the beautiful evening in Old Town. Some music from the Waterfront Festival filled the air.
New molars are coming in. Ouch! Sad, drooly, and a little bit attached to Mommy. Just Mommy. Except I am "Mammy." I shoudl start calling Harry Scarlet. I think Kevin is "MaMa." Food is called "Yummy." All food. ANother new word is "Bwah," as in: "Bwah, bwah, bwah." It is possible that it is translated to mean "Blah, blah, blah," as in "All you people say is 'Blah, blah, blah!' " Or, it could be the sound made when he covers his mouth with his hand, something else he learned to do last week.
Did I mention he is the cutest? And so sweet!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
All By Myself
Everyone said once Harry started to walk, things would get harder. Once again, everyone was wrong.
Finally, I am able to take care of Harry by myself for extended periods of time. Things are SO much easier!
For the past year, I have blamed my back for not being able to take care of Harry alone for extended periods. Well, my back is on the road to recovery, and I can put Harry down when I need to...this single parent stuff is a snap!
Granted, I am still rarely a single parent. Today I picked Harry up to go to the pool early, and tonight Kevin was out house hunting. Aidan got to spend the entire day with a McDermott!
I was able to take care of Harry at the pool, get him home through very bad traffic, feed him, bathe him and put him to bed. No pain. No anxiety. No problem!
I have praised Kevin all along for his ability to take care of Harry alone while I traveled. I told him that if things were reversed, I would not be able to swing it. Physically, I could not carry him around. It was a little bit sad...well, maybe it wasn't, but now that things have improved, I am a little sad that I didn't get to this point sooner.
Next time I am pregnant, no sneezing! That is how I threw my back out to begin with. I am done with sneezes.
It also helps that Harry is better able to communicate. That helps whether you are at home or away. We called Kevin while he was at his second house. Plain as day, Harry said "I love you!"
Wow...so much easier!
Everyone said once Harry started to walk, things would get harder. Once again, everyone was wrong.
Finally, I am able to take care of Harry by myself for extended periods of time. Things are SO much easier!
For the past year, I have blamed my back for not being able to take care of Harry alone for extended periods. Well, my back is on the road to recovery, and I can put Harry down when I need to...this single parent stuff is a snap!
Granted, I am still rarely a single parent. Today I picked Harry up to go to the pool early, and tonight Kevin was out house hunting. Aidan got to spend the entire day with a McDermott!
I was able to take care of Harry at the pool, get him home through very bad traffic, feed him, bathe him and put him to bed. No pain. No anxiety. No problem!
I have praised Kevin all along for his ability to take care of Harry alone while I traveled. I told him that if things were reversed, I would not be able to swing it. Physically, I could not carry him around. It was a little bit sad...well, maybe it wasn't, but now that things have improved, I am a little sad that I didn't get to this point sooner.
Next time I am pregnant, no sneezing! That is how I threw my back out to begin with. I am done with sneezes.
It also helps that Harry is better able to communicate. That helps whether you are at home or away. We called Kevin while he was at his second house. Plain as day, Harry said "I love you!"
Wow...so much easier!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Spoke to soon...
It seems my apology to Pooh may have been unwarranted.
Harry's new words of the week include yummy, happy, and baby.
"Yummy, yummy, yummy" is oft overheard at dinner.
The rest of the time "Happy, happy, happy. Baby, happy, happy, happy."
I shake my head at teh little weirdo. But I do so with a big grin on my face!
It seems my apology to Pooh may have been unwarranted.
Harry's new words of the week include yummy, happy, and baby.
"Yummy, yummy, yummy" is oft overheard at dinner.
The rest of the time "Happy, happy, happy. Baby, happy, happy, happy."
I shake my head at teh little weirdo. But I do so with a big grin on my face!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon…
(What I was doing last week while Kevin was home with H)
That’s the song that runs through my head whenever I travel. Especially on long trips. Like last week in
Here’s the story behind Harry Chapin’s song:
http://www.harrychapin.com/circle/winter04/behind.htm
Here’s the story surrounding Harry McDermott:
It’s been over a year now since Harry arrived via C-section. Almost 14 months!
Some people give you a “that’s okay, maybe next time look” when they hear about the caesarean…except for my urologist who can hardly contain her joy. Less kegels for me!
Although I panicked for ten minutes leading up to the event, I originally wanted one (a C-section) - actually, it has been my preferred method of childbirth since I learned of it in the early 80s. I KNOW how wide my hips are. I can do some math.
I think the surgery went very well. Tiny scar, healthy baby. Why would anyone want a natural child birth? Why would a woman CHOOSE to feel like she is being ripped apart from the inside out? I just cannot understand it. Sure, women have given birth naturally for many, many years. Many, many of them died. I am sure many, many of them would have preferred to be sedated, and in a hospital, and with nurses to take care of them. This is the abridged version of my rant. Most of you are familiar.
I had a few weeks off after Harry was born, but soon it was back to work. I wouldn’t exactly say panic ensued, but I was a bit nervous about the planes I had to catch. From the moment he was born, Harry was the greatest person, and he deserves to have a mom. I don’t have a whole lot of control over whether my plane stays in the air, but I do try to weave some Wiccan magick.
There are bills to pay. Student loans, mortgages, credit cards…but I think I would work regardless. On the days when I spend 24 hours with Harry, I feel like I miss out on quality time. I feel like I spend so much more concentrated time with him when we only have a few hours together in a day. I also think vacations are important, a bigger house, and lots of opportunities. These things might sound materialistic to some, but I think these things make our lives better, especially the vacations. I treasure the time we spend together as a family.
I think it is okay if Harry misses us a little. I think it is okay if he experiences things without us. I think we are all well suited to the life we currently lead. I think spending a little bit of time apart helps us appreciate each other more.
Harry learns some new things while he is at school, or during the times I am away, but most things he learns develop over time. He didn’t learn to walk in one day. It’s been a process. He plays a lot of things very cool anyway, so it’s not as if he gets that excited over new things anyway! Often, when he does something new, he acts as though it is no big deal and life’s always been that way. I can understand that.
I also think I set a good example for Harry by going to work. I have stated these things before. If you want my entire view on this, shoot me an email. Happy to discuss. Also, for the record, I have the utmost respect for people who choose to stay home with their kids and enjoy the time spent with them. The utmost respect. The same is not true for those who seem miserable with their choices and take it out on their kids. Big difference.
Back to Harry...
He’s been talking as long as I’ve known him. You just have to listen. Being away hasn’t ruined that. It’s made me listen harder. He doesn't always use consonants, but he goes on and on and on and on...
He’s already so much like me, but with his father’s passion for cookies! When I was a kid, I craved adventure. I didn’t want to stay home. And I was independent. I remember the thoughts I had as a very young child. Harry is fine. I have few worries about Harry.
I’ve liked Cat’s in the Cradle for a very long time. It’s run through my head for a long time, even when I was a child. I decided back then what kind of life I would have, and what kind of parent I’d be. Things have turned out pretty much as planned. Only, when I was younger and I heard the song, I worried that I wouldn’t make time for my family. I now think I make a very conscious effort to have lots of quality time together, and to make up for any lost time as much as possible. I think I may be neglecting Kevin a little, tiny bit.
I know Harry misses me when I am gone, but we do have a good time when I get home. He still has boundaries to follow. I don’t spoil him to make up for lost time, unless you consider crawling around on the floor together spoiling. Harry knows he is loved, and he is thriving.
I will need to work on that part of the equation. I think the song has made me very aware of what can result from our choices.
Cat's in the Cradle
by Sandy & Harry Chapin
My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Monday, June 13, 2005
Cannonball!
Spent the weekend meeting social obligations. Not complaining. Happy to do it!
(Especially when it doesn't involve bridesmaid dresses!)
Friday Harry and I swam with May & Kelly...Saturday Tara and I got to stop at Starbuck's for snacks before our roadtrip to Mikki’s baby shower while Kevin & Harry hit the new Caps facility in Ballston for fun and games…Sunday we all made it up to Marlton for Isabella’s 2nd birthday.
Very hot weekend. Sticky. Becoming addicted to $4 iced tea from Starbuck's...broke down today to make my own from the water cooler I've been ignoring in my kitchen and the $2.00 crate of tea in the garage from Costco...
Toni had pools and sprinklers for Isabella’s party. And lots of little rowdies around. I think the rowdiest of all was Julia, a tiny 4 year old with the biggest splash to her cannonball!
Lots of group cannonballs in the wading pool. 4 at a time. Guess who decides to join in? Didn’t seem to matter that he can’t run or jump. He had heart. I think Vince Lombardi might agree that heart is what it takes to make a champion...
As the others were running towards the pool, they swerved out of the way as Harry ran towards them, only to turn around and start running back towards the pool and hit the soft side at full force. Then giggle!
Harry seems to have outgrown his crowd anxiety. (Remember at his Baby Blessing? Sure, he was only a few weeks old...). He does his best to keep up with the big kids.
Ari helped him bounce in the blow up bouncy thing, he goes nuts for cake (yeah, the non-vegan variety that turns his face different colors from the dye), and he goes nuts when Uncle Charlie brings out "the claw." He also likes his quiet time on the swing, sitting quietly with Pop Pop in lieu of a nap, and cooking on Isabella's stove. He scambled up something. I don't have any idea where he learned to do such a thing...maybe he's been paying attention to the TV afterall? Bam! Must be Emeril!
Harry has been waiting months to be able to walk. I am so happy that he was able to run and play with the kids this weekend! He was almost as giggly as he was at Disney World!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
A few random thoughts, as I've not posted in a while. Not that anyone's indicated as such lately, but just some things to get out...
I've been reassured repeatedly by Kim that Harry's newfound bully-ish behavior at daycare is to be expected of a 1 year-old boy who is apparently quite a bit stronger (of mind AND body) than the others in his class. Others seem to find it amusing, but it certainly concerns me... I've always (yes always... For this whole entire year) wondered how I'd react if my son turned out to be a bully. Of course these same "others" are even more amused watching me try to reason with him that the swing isn't really "his" and that he needs to share with everyone. Anyone who knows me knows how much I sincerely appreciate a good laugh at my expense.
Have been doing the single dad thing quite a bit this month, as Kim's unfortunately been hammered with work trips. This week has been particularly tough, but she finally gets to come home tonight... I know Harry and Bailey are both absolutely sick of me by now, so it should be a welcome break. For me, I've come to rationalize it by another amongst many reversals in our lives together... Since Kim and I never really "dated" while living apart (living in sin from day 1), this must be what it's like. You spend most of the week apart, talking on the phone or over email, then the weekend is a whirlwind of compressed social activity whilst you try to get everything accomplished and see everyone you're supposed to before Monday comes, and then it all starts over.
that being said, I'd say it's a pretty sure bet that if we were in fact dating at this point, Kim would certainly have kicked me to the curb quite some time ago. It seems that all of this time apart has made Kevin at best, a very sour & cranky individual. I'd like to take a moment to offer as public an apology I can for my behavior lately.
I'm sorry.
I'm not going to offer any excuses for it, so we'll leave it at that and I will do my best to move on and be a happier person.
While we're on the subject of apologies, I'd also like to offer one to my late grandmother, Stella McDermott. Certainly one of the more vivid memories I have of time spent at the McDermott house in Uncasville CT, is sitting at the table trying in vain to finish off a lunchtime staple of Ham & brown mustard on pumpernickle bread. I never could stand the taste or texture of any of it, but that's what was for lunch, and that's what you were obligated to finish. Fast-forward to lunchtime, Wednesday, June 8, 2005. Kevin heads across Leesburg Pike to the New York Deli for a sandwich, and orders, you guessed it, the selection that includes none other than Ham (and pastrami) and asks specifically for brown mustard and pumpernickle bread?!?! As I headed back to my office to polish it off, I suddenly thought of myself sitting at her kitchen table choking it down as a kid.
Grandma... I'm sorry for never finishing my lunch.
Who knew.
Talk about full circle...
I've been reassured repeatedly by Kim that Harry's newfound bully-ish behavior at daycare is to be expected of a 1 year-old boy who is apparently quite a bit stronger (of mind AND body) than the others in his class. Others seem to find it amusing, but it certainly concerns me... I've always (yes always... For this whole entire year) wondered how I'd react if my son turned out to be a bully. Of course these same "others" are even more amused watching me try to reason with him that the swing isn't really "his" and that he needs to share with everyone. Anyone who knows me knows how much I sincerely appreciate a good laugh at my expense.
Have been doing the single dad thing quite a bit this month, as Kim's unfortunately been hammered with work trips. This week has been particularly tough, but she finally gets to come home tonight... I know Harry and Bailey are both absolutely sick of me by now, so it should be a welcome break. For me, I've come to rationalize it by another amongst many reversals in our lives together... Since Kim and I never really "dated" while living apart (living in sin from day 1), this must be what it's like. You spend most of the week apart, talking on the phone or over email, then the weekend is a whirlwind of compressed social activity whilst you try to get everything accomplished and see everyone you're supposed to before Monday comes, and then it all starts over.
that being said, I'd say it's a pretty sure bet that if we were in fact dating at this point, Kim would certainly have kicked me to the curb quite some time ago. It seems that all of this time apart has made Kevin at best, a very sour & cranky individual. I'd like to take a moment to offer as public an apology I can for my behavior lately.
I'm sorry.
I'm not going to offer any excuses for it, so we'll leave it at that and I will do my best to move on and be a happier person.
While we're on the subject of apologies, I'd also like to offer one to my late grandmother, Stella McDermott. Certainly one of the more vivid memories I have of time spent at the McDermott house in Uncasville CT, is sitting at the table trying in vain to finish off a lunchtime staple of Ham & brown mustard on pumpernickle bread. I never could stand the taste or texture of any of it, but that's what was for lunch, and that's what you were obligated to finish. Fast-forward to lunchtime, Wednesday, June 8, 2005. Kevin heads across Leesburg Pike to the New York Deli for a sandwich, and orders, you guessed it, the selection that includes none other than Ham (and pastrami) and asks specifically for brown mustard and pumpernickle bread?!?! As I headed back to my office to polish it off, I suddenly thought of myself sitting at her kitchen table choking it down as a kid.
Grandma... I'm sorry for never finishing my lunch.
Who knew.
Talk about full circle...
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Not It!
“Not it!” seems to be what Harry picked up over the Memorial Day Holiday.
With an extra day of diaper changing duty to share, Kevin and I began calling out these words the second we smelled something not-so-good.
More often then not, it was nothing…but we shouted “Not It!” just to be safe, just to avoid having to change one more #2 diaper.
I guess Harry caught on, although not completely. After saying “Hi” to everyone showing up at Daycare on Tuesday (everyone refers to me, another mom and Menike’s husband, and if I recall correctly, Sid, who popped out from behind some playground equipment), he called “Not it!” as we were leaving. Maybe he felt a little grumble action going on? Who’s to say.
So, Tuesday afternoon, after much fun had over the weekend, we headed to Aidan’s for a play date (yes, Aidan is 32 but we can still have play dates). Harry brought his tea set. After a couple of years of rolling my eyes at Paul’s little buddy’s “Mermaid Hair” and Dominic’s Ruby Slippers, I decided there was nothing wrong with a pink and purple princess tea set (still searching for the Starbuck’s mini barista set). Harry really liked Isabella’s set, so I picked one up at Target. It didn’t come in GI Joe.
Harry likes that he can open the lid of the giant tea cup and put things in and take them out. He likes to stack the cups. He likes to pretend he is eating and drinking. He gets to practice using a spoon. Nothing girly about it. I’ve said for a while now, give him a newspaper and drop him off at the coffee shop and he’ll be happy for hours. I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Harry also developed a fascination with Mardi Gras beads. There was a Mardi Gras dance at the Wiley’s Beachcomber campground, as well as a Mardi Gras themed bike parade, so there were lots of beads hanging around. Harry learned how to put them on himself and seemed to enjoy wearing them. But, with a little Hawaiian shirt on, he looked more like Charlie Sheen than a little girl playing dress up.
A little Charlie Sheen…sure, the connotation has its drawbacks, but Charlie always plays the cool guy that everyone wants to hang out with. Harry strikes me as this type. I can’t seem to get the image out of my head of our next vacation taking us to Ireland, where we find Harry in a bar, surrounded by a crowd of happy old guys with long eyebrows, telling stories and singing. Kevin asked if this was really how I wanted to picture my son…maybe we’ll wait a few years to take that trip! Meantime, he can just practice the choreography to "Tommy K."
Harry spent the rest of the Memorial Day holiday on his bike. I’d guess a good 12 hours. At least twice he fell asleep while riding. He would start at 7 in the morning. It was a good way to get him out of the house so the Deckers could sleep undisturbed. The first lap would usually take an hour, with several other jaunts mixed in throughout the day.
A good portion of the weekend was also spent at the playground. The swings are cool, but nothing beats the slide, sitting up or lying down. We gave Harry the freedom to climb the large flat steps himself. Once at the top, he didn’t have the patience to sit. Down he went! The purest joy I’ve ever seen.
I enjoyed the slide as a child, but my favorite was the swings. After watching Bobby and Cindy Brady attempt to break a World Record on the Teeter Totter, I figured it could be done on a swing too. I was fed so much candy back then, I probably could have done it.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Well, it's not exactly new but for the past couple of weeks Harry has been able to do the motions for Itsy Bitsy Spider!
It seems to be his current favorite song. And he has favorites- just ask anyone in his swim class! He lets the class know if they start to sing a song he likes.
If we are in the car and he gets cranky because he has an important meeting to get too and we get stuck in traffic or he drops his cell, all you have to do is go into a rendition of Itsy Bitsy (Eensy Beensy is the British version) and his eyes light up and his hands start moving. It'’s very cool!
He also still prefers books to trucks, dogs to cats, cell phones to land lines, moving to sitting and pureed spinach & carrots (combo) to soy mac & cheese.
Blueberries rule in his world, as does the butterfly music button on his songbook.
One last note, his bike was in the living room today, rather than the garage, in preparation to take it to Cape May with us for the weekend. He went nuts when he saw it. We almost couldn't get him to go to school, which never happens. He even asked for his helmet...then insisted on a couple of laps around the living room!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The 100 Acre Wood
Back to pooh. I know a couple of you were curious.
During my adult years, I have not been a fan of the Pooh gang. I liked them as a child, but as an adult they struck me as neurotic.
Each one has an issue.
Tigger is kind of fun…but I suppose he could use some Ritalin.
Eeyore…ugh!
And Rabbit- what’s his deal?
Pooh’s voice is just too much for me. So blah. And that honey obsession. What’s that about?
It seemed to me that children should have toys that were happy. Surround them with happiness. Happy, happy, happy. Happiness breeds more happiness.
I guess I thought a room full of Tiggers would be cool.
In all of my vast wisdom, it had not occurred that children have many moods, and they are not equipped to deal with them all, hence, the temper tantrum
Harry was having some trouble sorting through his emotions the other night. It ended up being his clinically depressed Eeyore doll that seemed to help him through.
The Eeyore doll was a Halloween treat (along with a banana) from the Wagners. It is a good toy. The ears flap up and down and it sings, albeit a bit sadly. Very “woe is me.” But know what? At my point of recognition, Harry was very “Woe is me.”
If he could have expressed himself more eloquently, he may have said “I am sad. I am a baby and I am not able to do the things I want to do. I want to talk on the phone and not go to sleep. It’s not fair!”
Some other internet blogs tell me
Christopher Robin's imagination never fails to run wild with adventures. He is definitely the most creative and intelligent little boy, but he also shows symptoms of schizophrenia.
Tigger sure is a happy and bubbly character! How can any one put up with him? He never stops moving. Today we would treat Tiggers behavior as attention deficit hyper active disorder (ADHD).
Eeyore: that poor soul. How does he live with himself? He never fails to have his head down. Perhaps a doctor should prescribe him with medication for manic depression (I would disagree here…Eeyore is not bipolar, just depressed).
Rabbit is another case. Is he ever not worried about his garden or angry at his friends in the one hundred acre wood? Can it be that Rabbit has anger management disorder and is a worry wart? (Let’s have Jack Nicholson play him in the movie).
Last but not least is little Piglet. He is constantly shaking. The way he shakes makes him look like a chi wa wa. It seems he suffers of a Phobia of everything. I am not trying to play a psychiatrist, but, "A.A. Milne didn't write the Pooh stories and poems for children but instead intended them for the child within us."
Or, as I see now, to help Children identify with their emotions.
I know older kids did this with Harry Potter after 9/11 (one Newsweek article mentioned kids feeling like “Voldemort was rising”).
Another blog breaks things down in the following way:
1. Pooh sits thinking, when Tigger surprisingly enters and "bounces" Pooh. Bouncing established as the focal behavior. Pooh is established as very sympathetic, but Tigger is introduced as obnoxious.
Perhaps as an ADHD kid myself, I could not identify with why Tigger was obnoxious.
Tigger was great!
Full of energy and very happy.
The others were just big lumps.
I guess if kids can become aware that Tigger is a little too bouncy for his own good, it may help them behave a bit better…
2. A reprise of 1, wherein Tigger bounces Piglet. Establishes Rabbit as the "antagonist" ("I'm savin' my best bounce for old longears").
I could easily identify with why Rabbit was a pain in the ass. I’d save my best bounce for him too! Okay, perhaps this is still how my mind works. Maybe the morale here is that you should not be an angry, self-important freak like Rabbit, because people don’t like that.
3. Tigger bounces Rabbit, and causes general destruction, which he doesn't even recognize as the result of his behavior. Tigger is characterized as insensitive to others. Bouncing is firmly established as something "bad."
There is a time and a place to bounce, and it is important to think about the results of our actions and their affects on others.
4. A meeting is held. It emphasizes Rabbit's perspective (Pooh sleeps), and begins to establish Rabbit as an "anal" personality and less than sympathetic (vs. Pooh's attractive detachment, and Piglet's role as "follower"). Rabbit develops the "big explore" idea to humiliate Tigger out of bouncing. But the idea of retribution is unpleasant.
Summary: The conflict established in part I is between childishness (and irresponsibility, represented by Tigger) and adulthood (with a hint of self-righteousness, portrayed by Rabbit). We are left with a degree of tension and uncertainty.
Sounds like something 20 year olds should read instead.
Part II
1. The big explore begins, during which Pooh's incessant need for honey is pointed out. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh "lose" Tigger (through Tigger's own enthusiasm -- he bounds ahead of them). Their cold-heartedness is emphasized when they hide in the log to make sure Tigger remains lost. Our sympathy for Tigger is at a high point, and for Rabbit at a low point.
What about our sympathy for Pooh? He needs intervention. He is an addict! This is a great example of why addictions are bad! I may go out and pick up a copy of the book today!
2. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh attempt to return home but discover they are lost (as dramatically represented by the walking-in-circles gag). There is a strong sense that Rabbit is not "in touch" (vs. Pooh who is). Rabbit comes off as pompous. Yet we do feel some sympathy: It is clear that Rabbit can only see things his way.
Rabbit needs to open his mind a little. Pooh is a little too open. Perhaps he hung out a few too many times with “Uncle Timmy”?
3. Piglet and Pooh return home through Pooh's tummy homing device. Rabbit's inability to deal with things on a more immediate basis is explained by Pooh: "I didn't hear them (the honey pots) before because Rabbit would talk."
Rabbit is apparently a buzz kill. Good lesson for young Harrison: Don’t be a buzz kill! Oh- back to being a cynic I guess…ignore that last part…Although, no one likes a buzz kill. Maybe we could just focus on Rabbit…
This may be a good lesson for 3 year olds. I know Kevin is pretty intolerant of the 3-6 year old set. They don’t stop talking! They are also very self-important. The view of Rabbit could be a good lesson.
4. They are bounced by Tigger, who is not at all lost (the splendid idea has failed). So, paradoxically, the dumb one "can't get lost," while the smart one can. Tigger goes off to find Rabbit.
Perhaps the great big fat giant lesson here is that just because people make it a priority to keep in good physical shape and remain in good spirits, this does not mean they are stupid. There are many sad, self-important folks out there who would have you believe the president is stupid and Tigger-like. Tigger’s not the one who’s lost. And it’s the Democrats who wig out at conventions. I bet Tigger also can catch a football better than Rabbit - Wait…what was I talking about?
5. Rabbit is thoroughly lost, and in a high tension segment, his mind begins to play tricks on him, until he too is found and bounced. He is dragged home in complete humiliation.
Summary: The contrast between "adult" and "child" is further explored, with the pluses of childlike instinct and the minuses of adult thinking/talking/scheming emphasized.
Hmmm…childlike instinct…
Part III
1. Roo and Tigger go off to play. Establishes bouncing as fun, emphasized by Kanga's adult overconcern. Tigger seen in a clear new light.
I have always liked Roo.
2. Skating scene: Rabbit enjoys himself skating. Tigger, in a typical display of bravado, imitates Rabbit only to cause, once again, a disaster for poor Rabbit. A reminder of Tigger's negative side: the braggado and the excuse "Tiggers don't like ice-skating." Legitimacy of Rabbit's perspective maintained.
I am not familiar with this scene. Again, I bet Tigger can catch a football.
3. Roo and Tiger continue their search for "what Tiggers do best," resulting in the reckless climbing of the tree. Tigger is terrified by the results of his actions. In light of his recklessness, this terror seems like "just desserts."
Look before you leap!
4. In a light-hearted side-piece, Pooh and Piglet track themselves and eventually discover Tigger and Roo's dilemma.
5. Everyone (Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Rabbit, and especially Christopher Robin) come to Tigger and Roo's aid. In his fear, Tigger makes a promise never to bounce again, and Rabbit insists they take him up on it. In a bizarre side gag, the narrator saves Tigger.
6. In the last moments of the story, we go through Tigger's ultimate humiliation. Note how annoying the continued smirk on Rabbit's face becomes, and the effect of Tigger's true sadess. Significantly, the child (Roo) is the one who brings up the value of the "old Tigger." An outpouring of sympathy from the other characters (and the audience) puts pressure on Rabbit to rescind his demands. Tigger bounces Rabbit and encourages all to bounce with him.
Funning they should mention annoying smirks. Probably some eye-rolling on Rabbit’s part too.
Summary: The child's perspective wins over the adult. But both Tigger and Rabbit are forgiven their excesses. We have a happy ending and complete closure.
I think somewhere along the way I turned this into a political satire. I didn’t mean to, but I was enjoying myself. (Tiggers bounce!)
Point being, there are a lot of good lessons here. There are a lot of different personalities. Most children’s books do not present these types of complex emotions and conflicts to work out. I think I will pick up a copy today.
For the record, I was wrong about Milne’s book. I forgot the important lessons it has to offer, and I forgot that not everyone is happy all of the time. Too much bouncing can tire you out.
Back to pooh. I know a couple of you were curious.
During my adult years, I have not been a fan of the Pooh gang. I liked them as a child, but as an adult they struck me as neurotic.
Each one has an issue.
Tigger is kind of fun…but I suppose he could use some Ritalin.
Eeyore…ugh!
And Rabbit- what’s his deal?
Pooh’s voice is just too much for me. So blah. And that honey obsession. What’s that about?
It seemed to me that children should have toys that were happy. Surround them with happiness. Happy, happy, happy. Happiness breeds more happiness.
I guess I thought a room full of Tiggers would be cool.
In all of my vast wisdom, it had not occurred that children have many moods, and they are not equipped to deal with them all, hence, the temper tantrum
Harry was having some trouble sorting through his emotions the other night. It ended up being his clinically depressed Eeyore doll that seemed to help him through.
The Eeyore doll was a Halloween treat (along with a banana) from the Wagners. It is a good toy. The ears flap up and down and it sings, albeit a bit sadly. Very “woe is me.” But know what? At my point of recognition, Harry was very “Woe is me.”
If he could have expressed himself more eloquently, he may have said “I am sad. I am a baby and I am not able to do the things I want to do. I want to talk on the phone and not go to sleep. It’s not fair!”
Some other internet blogs tell me
“...When most people think of Winnie the Pooh written by A.A. Milne, they tend to think of childhood and innocence. What one does not realize is that the fantasy characters of Winnie the Pooh have just as many problems as the characters of Married with Children do. The innocence of these childhood stories hides the disorders that the main characters suffer from.”I guess I am a bit jaded, because what I see is not only a "silly old bear," (but) a bear with an eating disorder called obesity.
Christopher Robin's imagination never fails to run wild with adventures. He is definitely the most creative and intelligent little boy, but he also shows symptoms of schizophrenia.
Tigger sure is a happy and bubbly character! How can any one put up with him? He never stops moving. Today we would treat Tiggers behavior as attention deficit hyper active disorder (ADHD).
Eeyore: that poor soul. How does he live with himself? He never fails to have his head down. Perhaps a doctor should prescribe him with medication for manic depression (I would disagree here…Eeyore is not bipolar, just depressed).
Rabbit is another case. Is he ever not worried about his garden or angry at his friends in the one hundred acre wood? Can it be that Rabbit has anger management disorder and is a worry wart? (Let’s have Jack Nicholson play him in the movie).
Last but not least is little Piglet. He is constantly shaking. The way he shakes makes him look like a chi wa wa. It seems he suffers of a Phobia of everything. I am not trying to play a psychiatrist, but, "A.A. Milne didn't write the Pooh stories and poems for children but instead intended them for the child within us."
Or, as I see now, to help Children identify with their emotions.
I know older kids did this with Harry Potter after 9/11 (one Newsweek article mentioned kids feeling like “Voldemort was rising”).
Another blog breaks things down in the following way:
1. Pooh sits thinking, when Tigger surprisingly enters and "bounces" Pooh. Bouncing established as the focal behavior. Pooh is established as very sympathetic, but Tigger is introduced as obnoxious.
Perhaps as an ADHD kid myself, I could not identify with why Tigger was obnoxious.
Tigger was great!
Full of energy and very happy.
The others were just big lumps.
I guess if kids can become aware that Tigger is a little too bouncy for his own good, it may help them behave a bit better…
2. A reprise of 1, wherein Tigger bounces Piglet. Establishes Rabbit as the "antagonist" ("I'm savin' my best bounce for old longears").
I could easily identify with why Rabbit was a pain in the ass. I’d save my best bounce for him too! Okay, perhaps this is still how my mind works. Maybe the morale here is that you should not be an angry, self-important freak like Rabbit, because people don’t like that.
3. Tigger bounces Rabbit, and causes general destruction, which he doesn't even recognize as the result of his behavior. Tigger is characterized as insensitive to others. Bouncing is firmly established as something "bad."
There is a time and a place to bounce, and it is important to think about the results of our actions and their affects on others.
4. A meeting is held. It emphasizes Rabbit's perspective (Pooh sleeps), and begins to establish Rabbit as an "anal" personality and less than sympathetic (vs. Pooh's attractive detachment, and Piglet's role as "follower"). Rabbit develops the "big explore" idea to humiliate Tigger out of bouncing. But the idea of retribution is unpleasant.
Summary: The conflict established in part I is between childishness (and irresponsibility, represented by Tigger) and adulthood (with a hint of self-righteousness, portrayed by Rabbit). We are left with a degree of tension and uncertainty.
Sounds like something 20 year olds should read instead.
Part II
1. The big explore begins, during which Pooh's incessant need for honey is pointed out. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh "lose" Tigger (through Tigger's own enthusiasm -- he bounds ahead of them). Their cold-heartedness is emphasized when they hide in the log to make sure Tigger remains lost. Our sympathy for Tigger is at a high point, and for Rabbit at a low point.
What about our sympathy for Pooh? He needs intervention. He is an addict! This is a great example of why addictions are bad! I may go out and pick up a copy of the book today!
2. Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh attempt to return home but discover they are lost (as dramatically represented by the walking-in-circles gag). There is a strong sense that Rabbit is not "in touch" (vs. Pooh who is). Rabbit comes off as pompous. Yet we do feel some sympathy: It is clear that Rabbit can only see things his way.
Rabbit needs to open his mind a little. Pooh is a little too open. Perhaps he hung out a few too many times with “Uncle Timmy”?
3. Piglet and Pooh return home through Pooh's tummy homing device. Rabbit's inability to deal with things on a more immediate basis is explained by Pooh: "I didn't hear them (the honey pots) before because Rabbit would talk."
Rabbit is apparently a buzz kill. Good lesson for young Harrison: Don’t be a buzz kill! Oh- back to being a cynic I guess…ignore that last part…Although, no one likes a buzz kill. Maybe we could just focus on Rabbit…
This may be a good lesson for 3 year olds. I know Kevin is pretty intolerant of the 3-6 year old set. They don’t stop talking! They are also very self-important. The view of Rabbit could be a good lesson.
4. They are bounced by Tigger, who is not at all lost (the splendid idea has failed). So, paradoxically, the dumb one "can't get lost," while the smart one can. Tigger goes off to find Rabbit.
Perhaps the great big fat giant lesson here is that just because people make it a priority to keep in good physical shape and remain in good spirits, this does not mean they are stupid. There are many sad, self-important folks out there who would have you believe the president is stupid and Tigger-like. Tigger’s not the one who’s lost. And it’s the Democrats who wig out at conventions. I bet Tigger also can catch a football better than Rabbit - Wait…what was I talking about?
5. Rabbit is thoroughly lost, and in a high tension segment, his mind begins to play tricks on him, until he too is found and bounced. He is dragged home in complete humiliation.
Summary: The contrast between "adult" and "child" is further explored, with the pluses of childlike instinct and the minuses of adult thinking/talking/scheming emphasized.
Hmmm…childlike instinct…
Part III
1. Roo and Tigger go off to play. Establishes bouncing as fun, emphasized by Kanga's adult overconcern. Tigger seen in a clear new light.
I have always liked Roo.
2. Skating scene: Rabbit enjoys himself skating. Tigger, in a typical display of bravado, imitates Rabbit only to cause, once again, a disaster for poor Rabbit. A reminder of Tigger's negative side: the braggado and the excuse "Tiggers don't like ice-skating." Legitimacy of Rabbit's perspective maintained.
I am not familiar with this scene. Again, I bet Tigger can catch a football.
3. Roo and Tiger continue their search for "what Tiggers do best," resulting in the reckless climbing of the tree. Tigger is terrified by the results of his actions. In light of his recklessness, this terror seems like "just desserts."
Look before you leap!
4. In a light-hearted side-piece, Pooh and Piglet track themselves and eventually discover Tigger and Roo's dilemma.
5. Everyone (Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Rabbit, and especially Christopher Robin) come to Tigger and Roo's aid. In his fear, Tigger makes a promise never to bounce again, and Rabbit insists they take him up on it. In a bizarre side gag, the narrator saves Tigger.
6. In the last moments of the story, we go through Tigger's ultimate humiliation. Note how annoying the continued smirk on Rabbit's face becomes, and the effect of Tigger's true sadess. Significantly, the child (Roo) is the one who brings up the value of the "old Tigger." An outpouring of sympathy from the other characters (and the audience) puts pressure on Rabbit to rescind his demands. Tigger bounces Rabbit and encourages all to bounce with him.
Funning they should mention annoying smirks. Probably some eye-rolling on Rabbit’s part too.
Summary: The child's perspective wins over the adult. But both Tigger and Rabbit are forgiven their excesses. We have a happy ending and complete closure.
I think somewhere along the way I turned this into a political satire. I didn’t mean to, but I was enjoying myself. (Tiggers bounce!)
Point being, there are a lot of good lessons here. There are a lot of different personalities. Most children’s books do not present these types of complex emotions and conflicts to work out. I think I will pick up a copy today.
For the record, I was wrong about Milne’s book. I forgot the important lessons it has to offer, and I forgot that not everyone is happy all of the time. Too much bouncing can tire you out.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
What's New?
I am still working on my blog about Pooh, as well as one on the other end of the spectrum about fairy tale classics. While reading Little Red Riding Hood tonight, I was all set for Granny to jump out of the closet and kick some ass. But no. The Woodsman shows up to save them. Where's the girl power? And what was Red doing listening to a strange voice in the woods? I don't like the message here. I also don't think Jack was a very good boy when he stole teh Golden Goose, or the depiction of little blond girls in Goldilocks. More on this later.
In the meantime...
Guess who is toddle-ing?? HARRY! He takes lots of steps. And the best part about his Frankenstein like walking: he does his monster growls while doing it! Very entertaining!
He can also get himself onto his picnic table. It is cool to see him swing his legs around once he climbs up. He also now spins his sippy cup around so that he drinks it from the correct side. I am just amazed by all of this! It's so cool!
I am still working on my blog about Pooh, as well as one on the other end of the spectrum about fairy tale classics. While reading Little Red Riding Hood tonight, I was all set for Granny to jump out of the closet and kick some ass. But no. The Woodsman shows up to save them. Where's the girl power? And what was Red doing listening to a strange voice in the woods? I don't like the message here. I also don't think Jack was a very good boy when he stole teh Golden Goose, or the depiction of little blond girls in Goldilocks. More on this later.
In the meantime...
Guess who is toddle-ing?? HARRY! He takes lots of steps. And the best part about his Frankenstein like walking: he does his monster growls while doing it! Very entertaining!
He can also get himself onto his picnic table. It is cool to see him swing his legs around once he climbs up. He also now spins his sippy cup around so that he drinks it from the correct side. I am just amazed by all of this! It's so cool!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Dogs.
Harry loves dogs. He loves our dog. He loves pictures of dogs. He loves books about dogs.
His favorite book at the moment is “Perritos, “ a Spanish version of Sandra Boynton’s counting book “Doggies.”
For some reason, I thought it made sense to not only introduce him to other languages before he could speak in proper English sentences, but to introduce him to foreign animal sounds. So, we now have a child who crawls around the house saying “Jau!” instead of “Woof, woof.”
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Saturday, May 14, 2005
3 times and counting!
I get to be a "single mom" again! Twice in the past month! And three times in the past year!!! Of course, Harry is asleep now, so does that still count?
I am kidding. I am just responding to Kevin's blogs, which he never ceases to amaze me with. He is such a great dad and a wonderful husband! I honestly do not know what I would do without him. And with a 25 pound baby and a fear of the dark, I would have not only bigger chiropractic bills but I imagine I'd need some therapy to get over my phobia. Harry is a lot better now, but when he was a baby, his eyes always looked so huge and glaring in the middle of the night. I won't go into the details my imagination created. I have been trying not to watch any sci-fi or any horror movies to worsen my condition, but movie previews are unavoidable, and that's all it takes.
My statement about being "single mom" also reminds me of something I heard a guy say the other day. He was home with his kid and said he was "playing mom" for a couple of hours. "Playing mom." I didn;t quiet understand what he meant. Was he sticking a boob in the kid's mouth? How else woudl he be "playing mom"? I guess in his world, that meant hanging out in the backyard spending some time with his child. I like that Kevin refers to such behavior as "being a dad."
So, Kevin is at Kris's tonight. Even though we don't have the opportunity to spend as much time together as we would like, I think it is still important to maintain your friendships. I am really much more of a forest-thinker than a tree-thinker. I am trying to avoid empty nest syndrome as much as possible.
I am only half kidding.
I also worry that he does so much at work, for me, for Harry, and so little for himself, that he is on the way to a nervous breakdown. He says I am nuts, but I am just being cautious. I'd like to keep him around for a good long while.
I have suggested that I could take Harry by myself to some of Harry's classes, to give Kevin some free time, but this is also something he doesn't understand. We like to both take him to his classes, and both do things together for him. We both WANT to go to his classes. But, you know what? We do not seem to be the only ones. At most classes, probably half of the class has two parents. I have to exclude swim class from this one, but I have a feeling that has more to do with the pool than the kids!
As for our own activities...generally, I think extracurricular activities are good for your own mental health, and the mental health of a couple/family. Plus, children learn by example. I think that it is important that he sees his parents as active people. I believe we do spend lots of enjoyable quality time with him, and our lives are not always chaotic and crazy. There are other times when we go to activities. I think it is important for Harry to see that. I think it is important for him to see his dad go to play hockey, and for me to go to Krav Maga. I think half of the reason I am training for my next marathon is so that Harry can remember that I did it. I think it is very important that he sees us read books, and kiss, and laugh, and work out arguments (which we didn't seem to ever have before sleep deprivation kicked in!).
I think it is important to see that we still do things for Bailey. Sure, she is a dog. Dogs have feelings, too, but even if you do not believe that, you should at least be aware that what Harry knows is Bailey is another person, and it is important to do things for others, like take Bailey to the dog park, let her have her own toys, and stay out of her bed.
I am sure Bailey would laugh out loud if she could read this. I am sure if she could write, if she had thumbs, she would pace outside of our house with picket signs claiming neglect. It's all in the perception, though. We probably left her alone just as often before, but it was to suit our own purposes. How things have changed!
My friend May was asking the other day what happened to happy hours, late nights, etc...I think the straight answer is more likely that we got older, and are exhausted when the weekend comes regardless of the little ones. I do wonder what happened to long runs, weekend Krav Maga and movies. This weekend, so far, was made up of The Little Gym, Muffins at St. Elmo's, a trip to the park, and some time by the pool. Tomorrow, swim class...hmmm....Take out the "little" part and that was pretty much our old schedule! Except now they are all Harry's activities! Honestly though, he's a great excuse to be outside, and his arms are getting darker than mine!
The Little Gym has replaced Gymboree, which has replaced multiple Krav sessions and Saturday yoga with Tara. I still try to keep up with the latter, and we still like Gymboree, but The Little Gym has actual gymnastics equiptment,a nd offers Harry more of a chance to be upside down, tumble and improve his physical prowess. He even took a few steps today! It is also nice to get him away from his cell phone every now and then. I thought I felt like a chauffer before...when I picked himup Friday, all he did was talk on the phone. I don't think he spoke more than a few words to me teh whole ride, except to say, "Driver, could you turn down the radio!" Based on his body language, intonations, and the focus of his eyes, you would havethought there was actually someone on the other end!
Back to our weekend..muffins at St. Elmo's...back to DelRay! Sure, we used to live there, and I mean St. Elmo's Coffee Pub as much as I mean Delray! But now we make a bigger mess...
And by the park...not the dog park or the trail..the PLAYGROUND! It occurred to me that Harry might be ready. Oh, was he?! We will have to post some shots of him on the swings! He had a blast! And, as usually, he love s to watch what the older kids do.
As for the pool...well, it's a blow up elephant pool, a birthdy gift from the Brockways. His first expression as he hit the cold water was priceless! He immediately crawled out...and then turned around and crawled right back in! He spent at least another hour in there! Crazy kid!
We do hope to join a pool this summer though. I think it will be fun for all of us. The down time at home is great, but I think being cooped up behind a fence all summer may be a bit much to handle! Harry loves his backyard, but I think we might get more giggles from the swim club!
I get to be a "single mom" again! Twice in the past month! And three times in the past year!!! Of course, Harry is asleep now, so does that still count?
I am kidding. I am just responding to Kevin's blogs, which he never ceases to amaze me with. He is such a great dad and a wonderful husband! I honestly do not know what I would do without him. And with a 25 pound baby and a fear of the dark, I would have not only bigger chiropractic bills but I imagine I'd need some therapy to get over my phobia. Harry is a lot better now, but when he was a baby, his eyes always looked so huge and glaring in the middle of the night. I won't go into the details my imagination created. I have been trying not to watch any sci-fi or any horror movies to worsen my condition, but movie previews are unavoidable, and that's all it takes.
My statement about being "single mom" also reminds me of something I heard a guy say the other day. He was home with his kid and said he was "playing mom" for a couple of hours. "Playing mom." I didn;t quiet understand what he meant. Was he sticking a boob in the kid's mouth? How else woudl he be "playing mom"? I guess in his world, that meant hanging out in the backyard spending some time with his child. I like that Kevin refers to such behavior as "being a dad."
So, Kevin is at Kris's tonight. Even though we don't have the opportunity to spend as much time together as we would like, I think it is still important to maintain your friendships. I am really much more of a forest-thinker than a tree-thinker. I am trying to avoid empty nest syndrome as much as possible.
I am only half kidding.
I also worry that he does so much at work, for me, for Harry, and so little for himself, that he is on the way to a nervous breakdown. He says I am nuts, but I am just being cautious. I'd like to keep him around for a good long while.
I have suggested that I could take Harry by myself to some of Harry's classes, to give Kevin some free time, but this is also something he doesn't understand. We like to both take him to his classes, and both do things together for him. We both WANT to go to his classes. But, you know what? We do not seem to be the only ones. At most classes, probably half of the class has two parents. I have to exclude swim class from this one, but I have a feeling that has more to do with the pool than the kids!
As for our own activities...generally, I think extracurricular activities are good for your own mental health, and the mental health of a couple/family. Plus, children learn by example. I think that it is important that he sees his parents as active people. I believe we do spend lots of enjoyable quality time with him, and our lives are not always chaotic and crazy. There are other times when we go to activities. I think it is important for Harry to see that. I think it is important for him to see his dad go to play hockey, and for me to go to Krav Maga. I think half of the reason I am training for my next marathon is so that Harry can remember that I did it. I think it is very important that he sees us read books, and kiss, and laugh, and work out arguments (which we didn't seem to ever have before sleep deprivation kicked in!).
I think it is important to see that we still do things for Bailey. Sure, she is a dog. Dogs have feelings, too, but even if you do not believe that, you should at least be aware that what Harry knows is Bailey is another person, and it is important to do things for others, like take Bailey to the dog park, let her have her own toys, and stay out of her bed.
I am sure Bailey would laugh out loud if she could read this. I am sure if she could write, if she had thumbs, she would pace outside of our house with picket signs claiming neglect. It's all in the perception, though. We probably left her alone just as often before, but it was to suit our own purposes. How things have changed!
My friend May was asking the other day what happened to happy hours, late nights, etc...I think the straight answer is more likely that we got older, and are exhausted when the weekend comes regardless of the little ones. I do wonder what happened to long runs, weekend Krav Maga and movies. This weekend, so far, was made up of The Little Gym, Muffins at St. Elmo's, a trip to the park, and some time by the pool. Tomorrow, swim class...hmmm....Take out the "little" part and that was pretty much our old schedule! Except now they are all Harry's activities! Honestly though, he's a great excuse to be outside, and his arms are getting darker than mine!
The Little Gym has replaced Gymboree, which has replaced multiple Krav sessions and Saturday yoga with Tara. I still try to keep up with the latter, and we still like Gymboree, but The Little Gym has actual gymnastics equiptment,a nd offers Harry more of a chance to be upside down, tumble and improve his physical prowess. He even took a few steps today! It is also nice to get him away from his cell phone every now and then. I thought I felt like a chauffer before...when I picked himup Friday, all he did was talk on the phone. I don't think he spoke more than a few words to me teh whole ride, except to say, "Driver, could you turn down the radio!" Based on his body language, intonations, and the focus of his eyes, you would havethought there was actually someone on the other end!
Back to our weekend..muffins at St. Elmo's...back to DelRay! Sure, we used to live there, and I mean St. Elmo's Coffee Pub as much as I mean Delray! But now we make a bigger mess...
And by the park...not the dog park or the trail..the PLAYGROUND! It occurred to me that Harry might be ready. Oh, was he?! We will have to post some shots of him on the swings! He had a blast! And, as usually, he love s to watch what the older kids do.
As for the pool...well, it's a blow up elephant pool, a birthdy gift from the Brockways. His first expression as he hit the cold water was priceless! He immediately crawled out...and then turned around and crawled right back in! He spent at least another hour in there! Crazy kid!
We do hope to join a pool this summer though. I think it will be fun for all of us. The down time at home is great, but I think being cooped up behind a fence all summer may be a bit much to handle! Harry loves his backyard, but I think we might get more giggles from the swim club!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Okay... So it's been a while since my last post of "...more reflections on Harry's first year to come."
The thing is, he seems to know that he's on to a new phase already, and has seriously upped his game. Just when I thought I really had things figured out and relatively stable, he's gone and changed all the rules.
You out there who have older kids I'm sure are thinking to yourselves "Ha ha... you think THIS is bad, just wait until [insert milestone here] happens. Then you're REALLY screwed!"
A few examples...
Kim is very happy to point out a few "new" things in Harry's world. Let's have a look at them and their consequences:
He can feed himself with a spoon...well, almost!
This one is certainly one of my early favorites. Especially the almost part. Harry's meals which were finally getting some semblance of regularity and decorum, now tend to be wrestling matches over who gets the spoon that almost always end with Bailey happily licking yogurt splatters off of the wall.
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...Usually.
Another good one. Now that he's moved away from bottles, there are very few items that will immediately soothe him, and bring him back down from a highly elevated state of hysteria (more on the hysteria and related antics later)
He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
This one is actually kind of fun. Harry got a very nice monogrammed LL Bean backpack from Uncle Bryan & Aunt Anna recently, and he now carries his own lunch to school each morning. Score one for me... one less thing for me to carry.
His car seat can face forward- legally.
Facing forward is nice for him, as now he can actually see what's going on. Even more, if he doesn't like what's going on, it's much easier for him to try to kick your elbow... just in case you didn't hear him screaming. As well, many had complimented the vast assembly of mirrors we used to have going to be able to make eye contact with the little guy while en route. Now the only way to see him is to re-align the rear-view mirror down, but sufficient that you can't see anything else... like what's behind you. That, or simply turn around, in which case you can no longer see what's in front of you. Pick your poison.
He has a bike (that we steer).
Another one that's kind of fun. Interesting sidenotes here are that 1) his legs are still a bit too short to reach the pedals, so his feet tend to wander toward the turning front wheel... not so much fun when they get tangled, however Kim seems to have resolved that with his new shoes, and 2) as previously mentioned, he certainly has inherited the McDermott oversized melon, such that he's effectively skipped over the entire range of toddler-sized helmets and had to go with a youth size. This has got to be good for the testosterone-laced psyche though... skull & crossbone decals are much cooler than little yellow flowers.
He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box.
Always good to begin the concept of cross-training early. As you may have imagined, the motor skills to climb out of the pool also come in handy for climbing out of the tub, up the stairs, and over just about anything put in his way to keep him fenced in.
So as you can see, while these are all good things, they all come at a price. Which brings us back to the hysterics discussion.
Harry also seems to have figured out how to throw a temper tantrum. I give the boy credit, he's certainly picked up on this skill very quickly and is able to put it to use very effectively. He's gotten good at making sure they come up out of nowhere, and has even mastered the "stop... drop... and roll around on the floor kicking and screaming" move that most kids can't pull off for another year. He's also mastered the variable rate... they can last anywhere from a few minutes, to several hours, depending mostly on who's turn it is to pick him up (only while standing... sit down with him and it's back to writhing and screaming) or how long it takes for him to figure out no one's paying attention.
Then there's the happy, giggly end of the spectrum. He may be able to scream louder and cry harder than ever, but he also laughs and plays like a pro. He's able to figure out when playtime is, what playtime is, and how much fun his whack-job parents really can be (okay, so Kim's MUCH sillier, goofier, and funnier with him than I will ever be, but who really would've guessed otherwise).
I think this is another one of those things that people think you have to savor. Reason being, that one day seemingly like clockwork, your kids will decide they hate you, and that your only purpose here on Earth is to make them completely miserable.
I think I can speak for both of us in saying that it's not really a goal of ours, but more of an assumption, that we don't plan on this becoming a problem. Naive? Some may say so, but I think it's more of a poorly established trend that can be avoided.
Looking back on the first year of Harry's World, I've re-read a lot of the articles and opinions that Kim has posted about trends in mothering. Now that we know a lot more parents and parents-to-be, I think we have a new perspective on how to be parents, and what that means. At the same time, I've been thinking about the fathering role, and really wonder how so many guys have screwed up so badly that it's almost an accepted concept that dads are irresponsible, out-of-touch, and generally aloof when it comes to their kids. Is it easier that way? I seriously can't imagine that it's more fun...
For example, last weekend I spent the greater part of the day at a surprise 40th birthday party for a good friend of mine at an Orioles game in Baltimore. This was one of, if not the, first extended amount of time that I had spent doing something recreationally away from Kim and Harry. I think the "lost" feeling I had for most of the day could easily be compared to what most Dad's feel when they are alone with their kids... and something tells me everyone could see it on my face. I found myself checking out other peoples' strollers, confirming diaper changing stations in the men's room, and constantly calling Kim to see if Harry had taken a nap yet and what he had for lunch.
So now we've begun Lap 2.
The large motor skills are really starting to take shape, and some finer ones are making themselves visible as well. The vocabulary seems to be building, just waiting for the muscles to figure it all out. I can't wait to hear what he has to say...
I can only hope that it's not something silly like "Daddy can I play baseball?"
The thing is, he seems to know that he's on to a new phase already, and has seriously upped his game. Just when I thought I really had things figured out and relatively stable, he's gone and changed all the rules.
You out there who have older kids I'm sure are thinking to yourselves "Ha ha... you think THIS is bad, just wait until [insert milestone here] happens. Then you're REALLY screwed!"
A few examples...
Kim is very happy to point out a few "new" things in Harry's world. Let's have a look at them and their consequences:
He can feed himself with a spoon...well, almost!
This one is certainly one of my early favorites. Especially the almost part. Harry's meals which were finally getting some semblance of regularity and decorum, now tend to be wrestling matches over who gets the spoon that almost always end with Bailey happily licking yogurt splatters off of the wall.
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...Usually.
Another good one. Now that he's moved away from bottles, there are very few items that will immediately soothe him, and bring him back down from a highly elevated state of hysteria (more on the hysteria and related antics later)
He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
This one is actually kind of fun. Harry got a very nice monogrammed LL Bean backpack from Uncle Bryan & Aunt Anna recently, and he now carries his own lunch to school each morning. Score one for me... one less thing for me to carry.
His car seat can face forward- legally.
Facing forward is nice for him, as now he can actually see what's going on. Even more, if he doesn't like what's going on, it's much easier for him to try to kick your elbow... just in case you didn't hear him screaming. As well, many had complimented the vast assembly of mirrors we used to have going to be able to make eye contact with the little guy while en route. Now the only way to see him is to re-align the rear-view mirror down, but sufficient that you can't see anything else... like what's behind you. That, or simply turn around, in which case you can no longer see what's in front of you. Pick your poison.
He has a bike (that we steer).
Another one that's kind of fun. Interesting sidenotes here are that 1) his legs are still a bit too short to reach the pedals, so his feet tend to wander toward the turning front wheel... not so much fun when they get tangled, however Kim seems to have resolved that with his new shoes, and 2) as previously mentioned, he certainly has inherited the McDermott oversized melon, such that he's effectively skipped over the entire range of toddler-sized helmets and had to go with a youth size. This has got to be good for the testosterone-laced psyche though... skull & crossbone decals are much cooler than little yellow flowers.
He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box.
Always good to begin the concept of cross-training early. As you may have imagined, the motor skills to climb out of the pool also come in handy for climbing out of the tub, up the stairs, and over just about anything put in his way to keep him fenced in.
So as you can see, while these are all good things, they all come at a price. Which brings us back to the hysterics discussion.
Harry also seems to have figured out how to throw a temper tantrum. I give the boy credit, he's certainly picked up on this skill very quickly and is able to put it to use very effectively. He's gotten good at making sure they come up out of nowhere, and has even mastered the "stop... drop... and roll around on the floor kicking and screaming" move that most kids can't pull off for another year. He's also mastered the variable rate... they can last anywhere from a few minutes, to several hours, depending mostly on who's turn it is to pick him up (only while standing... sit down with him and it's back to writhing and screaming) or how long it takes for him to figure out no one's paying attention.
Then there's the happy, giggly end of the spectrum. He may be able to scream louder and cry harder than ever, but he also laughs and plays like a pro. He's able to figure out when playtime is, what playtime is, and how much fun his whack-job parents really can be (okay, so Kim's MUCH sillier, goofier, and funnier with him than I will ever be, but who really would've guessed otherwise).
I think this is another one of those things that people think you have to savor. Reason being, that one day seemingly like clockwork, your kids will decide they hate you, and that your only purpose here on Earth is to make them completely miserable.
I think I can speak for both of us in saying that it's not really a goal of ours, but more of an assumption, that we don't plan on this becoming a problem. Naive? Some may say so, but I think it's more of a poorly established trend that can be avoided.
Looking back on the first year of Harry's World, I've re-read a lot of the articles and opinions that Kim has posted about trends in mothering. Now that we know a lot more parents and parents-to-be, I think we have a new perspective on how to be parents, and what that means. At the same time, I've been thinking about the fathering role, and really wonder how so many guys have screwed up so badly that it's almost an accepted concept that dads are irresponsible, out-of-touch, and generally aloof when it comes to their kids. Is it easier that way? I seriously can't imagine that it's more fun...
For example, last weekend I spent the greater part of the day at a surprise 40th birthday party for a good friend of mine at an Orioles game in Baltimore. This was one of, if not the, first extended amount of time that I had spent doing something recreationally away from Kim and Harry. I think the "lost" feeling I had for most of the day could easily be compared to what most Dad's feel when they are alone with their kids... and something tells me everyone could see it on my face. I found myself checking out other peoples' strollers, confirming diaper changing stations in the men's room, and constantly calling Kim to see if Harry had taken a nap yet and what he had for lunch.
So now we've begun Lap 2.
The large motor skills are really starting to take shape, and some finer ones are making themselves visible as well. The vocabulary seems to be building, just waiting for the muscles to figure it all out. I can't wait to hear what he has to say...
I can only hope that it's not something silly like "Daddy can I play baseball?"
Friday, May 06, 2005
Ideology, not reality.
I am currently reading Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is an autistic adult with a PhD in Animal Science that I first learned about in Oliver Sacks's An Anthropologist on Mars. Her musings on B.F. Skinner and Ivar Lovaas take me back to my college days. Both were icons. In the world of Animal Science, as well as in the Autistic Community, Grandin is an icon. Her insights into animal behavior have revolutionized slaughter houses. More than half of the slaughterhouses in North America have used Grandin's designs, including ones used by Wendy's, McDonald's and Burger King.
So, you are thinking, "Isn't Kim a permissive vegan? Where is she going with this?" Well, I have never been to a slaughterhouse. I first became a vegetarian in high school after reading Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. The Army man on the plane home from Atlanta today has been to one. He doesn't recommend them. He can appreciate Grandin's techniques though. She thinks that as an autistic person, she thinks more like animals do. She thinks they both see more detail then other "normal" people. Too many trees to see the forest, so to speak. Grandin designs humane slaughterhouses. She designs them because she loves animals and doesn't want to see them stressed. She removes details that stress the animals. She creates the slaughter chutes so that the animals do not know they are about to die. Less stress. Slaughterhouses give her money because without her, with stressed animals, they lose a lot of money. Stressed animals lose weight. Stressed animals don't go into the chutes to be restrained to get vaccines to keep them from getting a variety of illnesses. Stressed animals can injure themselves, creating less valuable meat. All of this means less profit for the owners. So, with her designs, everybody wins.
Grandin writes with the overly detailed mind of an autistic adult. Yet she is poignant. Grandin doesn't understand why people don't see what she sees. She doesn't understand how people can miss things that seem so obvious to her. She doesn't understand how people could advocate the protection of a screwworm when they've never seen the fly or the "hideous, horrible infestations" it creates. She claims in the 60s and 70s things were accomplished within government, at least more so than today. "But today the abstract thinkers are in charge, and abstract thinkers get locked into abstract debates and arguments that aren't based in reality."
The Facts as We See Them
Enter Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Freakonomics establishes this unconventional premise: if morality represents how we would like the world to work, then economics represents how it actually does work. An exceprt from their chapter on parenting:
Some highlights from the Today Show, where I seem to gain most of my knowledge from (hey, that's where I learned about Krav Maga!), include the following:
Well, I guess if you don't have it, you're screwed. I don't understand how some people miss so many things that seem like common sense to me. Perhaps I am lacking in other areas, as Temple Grandin is with her autism. She has found her weaknesses have become her strengths. Mine seem to serve me fairly well (this is what I do for a living).
Reality, not ideology.
I voted for George Bush. Yes, I admit it.
I did not vote for him because I agree with his views on the death penalty. I am whole heartedly against the death penalty, even in cases close to home.
I did not vote for him because I think we should explore the Arctic Wildlife Refuge. I donate money to protect it.
I also am not a conservative freak (I think those were the words used on NPR) who voted for Bush therefore believe that Montgomery County(MD) school children should not be taught the facts of life.
Kids have sex.
People are gay.
I voted for Bush because I want my planes to stay in the sky. I feel safe with him as president. The rest, grass roots organizations can handle.
I also find him attractive... Same goes for Tony Blair.
So what if they look and act like old fraternity brothers. A lot of my freinds are old fraternity guys. I was in a sorority. I was a cheerleader. I voted republican. I am a working mother. These are labels, but they don't define me.
I am more than that.
Just as there is more to most issues than just black and white answers.
How to get this back to Harry?
Here is an update:
The kid is as happy as can be! Unbelieveable!
He is attached to both of his parents, yet he still loves to see his friends at daycare. How can that be?
He still wakes up at 4:30, but we are working with The Sleep Lady to fix this. If that doesn't work, we will try something else. Can you do that?
Harry feeds himself. He is very independent, even though I did not nurse him or co-sleep. Hmmm...
Harry is very into his sliding board and his bike and his swim class. He also reads books. He loves to read. We don't know all of what he is saying, but he understands the concept. Right now he is reading Dogs and Baby Einstein: Discover and Play. Could he be both an athlete and a scholar?
He tries to do the motions to Itsy Bitsy Spider and sign language to ABC's.
He likes kisses from Bailey. I don't. He's his own person.
And if he wants to, when he turns 18, he can choose to vote Democratic.
But don't think I won't question why. He can choose to do whatever he wants to do, provided there is thought behind it.
I am currently reading Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is an autistic adult with a PhD in Animal Science that I first learned about in Oliver Sacks's An Anthropologist on Mars. Her musings on B.F. Skinner and Ivar Lovaas take me back to my college days. Both were icons. In the world of Animal Science, as well as in the Autistic Community, Grandin is an icon. Her insights into animal behavior have revolutionized slaughter houses. More than half of the slaughterhouses in North America have used Grandin's designs, including ones used by Wendy's, McDonald's and Burger King.
So, you are thinking, "Isn't Kim a permissive vegan? Where is she going with this?" Well, I have never been to a slaughterhouse. I first became a vegetarian in high school after reading Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. The Army man on the plane home from Atlanta today has been to one. He doesn't recommend them. He can appreciate Grandin's techniques though. She thinks that as an autistic person, she thinks more like animals do. She thinks they both see more detail then other "normal" people. Too many trees to see the forest, so to speak. Grandin designs humane slaughterhouses. She designs them because she loves animals and doesn't want to see them stressed. She removes details that stress the animals. She creates the slaughter chutes so that the animals do not know they are about to die. Less stress. Slaughterhouses give her money because without her, with stressed animals, they lose a lot of money. Stressed animals lose weight. Stressed animals don't go into the chutes to be restrained to get vaccines to keep them from getting a variety of illnesses. Stressed animals can injure themselves, creating less valuable meat. All of this means less profit for the owners. So, with her designs, everybody wins.
Grandin writes with the overly detailed mind of an autistic adult. Yet she is poignant. Grandin doesn't understand why people don't see what she sees. She doesn't understand how people can miss things that seem so obvious to her. She doesn't understand how people could advocate the protection of a screwworm when they've never seen the fly or the "hideous, horrible infestations" it creates. She claims in the 60s and 70s things were accomplished within government, at least more so than today. "But today the abstract thinkers are in charge, and abstract thinkers get locked into abstract debates and arguments that aren't based in reality."
The Facts as We See Them
Enter Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Freakonomics establishes this unconventional premise: if morality represents how we would like the world to work, then economics represents how it actually does work. An exceprt from their chapter on parenting:
Chapter 5: What Makes a Perfect Parent?
The conversion of parenting from an art to a science . . . Why parenting experts like to scare parents to death . . . Which is more dangerous: a gun or a swimming pool? . . . The economics of fear . . . Obsessive parents and the nature-nurture quagmire . . . Why a good school isn't as good as you might think . . . The black-white test gap and "acting white" . . . Eight things that make a child do better in school and eight that don't.
No one is more susceptible to an expert's fearmongering than a parent. Fear is in fact a major component of the act of parenting. A parent, after all, is the steward of another creature's life, a creature who in the beginning is more helpless than the newborn of nearly any other species. This leads a lot of parents to spend a lot of their parenting energy simply being scared.
The problem is that they are often scared of the wrong things. It's not their fault, really. Separating facts from rumors is always hard work, especially for a busy parent. And the white noise generated by the experts-to say nothing of the pressure exerted by fellow parents- is so overwhelming that they can barely think for themselves. The facts they do manage to glean have usually been varnished or exaggerated or otherwise taken out of context to serve an agenda that isn't their own.
Consider the parents of an eight-year-old girl named, say, Molly. Her two best friends, Amy and Imani, each live nearby. Molly's parents know that Amy's parents keep a gun in their house, so they have forbidden Molly to play there. Instead, Molly spends a lot of time at Imani's house, which has a swimming pool in the backyard. Molly's parents feel good about having made such a smart choice to protect their daughter.
But according to the data, their choice isn't smart at all. In a given year, there is one drowning of a child for every 11,000 residential pools in the United States. (In a country with 6 million pools, this means that roughly 550 children under the age of ten drown each year.) Meanwhile, there is 1 child killed by a gun for every 1 millionplus guns. (In a country with an estimated 200 million guns, this means that roughly 175 children under ten die each year from guns.) The likelihood of death by pool (1 in 11,000) versus death by gun (1 in 1 million-plus) isn't even close: Molly is roughly 100 times more likely to die in a swimming accident at Imani's house than in gunplay at Amy's.Some highlights from the Today Show, where I seem to gain most of my knowledge from (hey, that's where I learned about Krav Maga!), include the following:
- Kids will be smarter (or perhaps it was "do better in school") if you wait until you are 30 to have them.
- Additional income makes a difference in their lives.
- Having books around, but not necessarily reading them, is important.
- Staying home with your kids until they are in kindergarten is not important.
- Neither is watching TV.
Well, I guess if you don't have it, you're screwed. I don't understand how some people miss so many things that seem like common sense to me. Perhaps I am lacking in other areas, as Temple Grandin is with her autism. She has found her weaknesses have become her strengths. Mine seem to serve me fairly well (this is what I do for a living).
Reality, not ideology.
I voted for George Bush. Yes, I admit it.
I did not vote for him because I agree with his views on the death penalty. I am whole heartedly against the death penalty, even in cases close to home.
I did not vote for him because I think we should explore the Arctic Wildlife Refuge. I donate money to protect it.
I also am not a conservative freak (I think those were the words used on NPR) who voted for Bush therefore believe that Montgomery County(MD) school children should not be taught the facts of life.
Kids have sex.
People are gay.
I voted for Bush because I want my planes to stay in the sky. I feel safe with him as president. The rest, grass roots organizations can handle.
I also find him attractive... Same goes for Tony Blair.
So what if they look and act like old fraternity brothers. A lot of my freinds are old fraternity guys. I was in a sorority. I was a cheerleader. I voted republican. I am a working mother. These are labels, but they don't define me.
I am more than that.
Just as there is more to most issues than just black and white answers.
How to get this back to Harry?
Here is an update:
The kid is as happy as can be! Unbelieveable!
He is attached to both of his parents, yet he still loves to see his friends at daycare. How can that be?
He still wakes up at 4:30, but we are working with The Sleep Lady to fix this. If that doesn't work, we will try something else. Can you do that?
Harry feeds himself. He is very independent, even though I did not nurse him or co-sleep. Hmmm...
Harry is very into his sliding board and his bike and his swim class. He also reads books. He loves to read. We don't know all of what he is saying, but he understands the concept. Right now he is reading Dogs and Baby Einstein: Discover and Play. Could he be both an athlete and a scholar?
He tries to do the motions to Itsy Bitsy Spider and sign language to ABC's.
He likes kisses from Bailey. I don't. He's his own person.
And if he wants to, when he turns 18, he can choose to vote Democratic.
But don't think I won't question why. He can choose to do whatever he wants to do, provided there is thought behind it.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Now that Harry's 1...
He can feed himself with a spoon...well,almost!
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...usually.
He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
His car seat can face forward- legally.
He has a bike (that we steer).
He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box...)
Harry had his 1 year check up on the 25th. He weighed in at 24# 10 oz. I think he is 29 1/2 inches. Does that sound right? I lost the paper from the doctor's. I copied it to send to daycare, but then I don't know what happened to the original. I probably mailed it to a site. I remember, though, that his head is in the 90 percentile. Surprising that is all, since his bike helmut is well beyond toddler-sized.
The doctor says he is within normal weight limits, although someone in the elevator called him chunky. Next time someone says that, I think I will return their compliment with the same response. My husband still harbors the stigma of being a "fat kid," and I have yet to encounter any photographic evidence supporting this. Harry is strong and active and eats small portions of healthy foods. I would rather he look like a beer-league soccer player than a sickly freak.
Harry has at least one molar in. I think his teeth started to bother him again. Accurate diagnosis was complicated by the fact that he got his measles and varicella (chicken pox) vaccinations 5 days before his fever developed. He had a cranky Saturday---well, he tried to play through it. He moaned the whole time he played legos (mega blocks from Billy & Kayla) but he tried to smile. Today he made it to swim class, and enjoyed his bike rides, even though I think he was actually asleep with his eyes closed.
We tried to get him to sleep in the car on the way to Hertz car rental (I'm driving to Raleigh tomorrow). That worked for 10 minutes, but we stopped at Sports Authority so Kevin could get a Lacrosse helmut and he woke up. I hung out with him in the car for a while, and I was able to get him to laugh, but I have to admit in his exhausted state, he somehow looked and sounded a whole lot like Jack Nicholson (think "Here's Johnny!").
The rest of today he spent happily putting animal crackers in and out of a cup, and then doing the same with clovers and blades of grass. He was able to eat a cup of yogurt, and then wash off teh sunscreen in the tub. He was in bed by 6:00 PM. He stopped talking around 6:45 PM.
I hate Monday trips. After a weekend with Harry, I go through withdrawal just at the thought of leaving him overnight. I need to not schedule any more Monday trips.
He can feed himself with a spoon...well,almost!
He doesn't get a bottle/formula anymore...usually.
He carries his own bag to school- his new backpack!
His car seat can face forward- legally.
He has a bike (that we steer).
He can climb out of the pool (and the tub, and his sand box...)
Harry had his 1 year check up on the 25th. He weighed in at 24# 10 oz. I think he is 29 1/2 inches. Does that sound right? I lost the paper from the doctor's. I copied it to send to daycare, but then I don't know what happened to the original. I probably mailed it to a site. I remember, though, that his head is in the 90 percentile. Surprising that is all, since his bike helmut is well beyond toddler-sized.
The doctor says he is within normal weight limits, although someone in the elevator called him chunky. Next time someone says that, I think I will return their compliment with the same response. My husband still harbors the stigma of being a "fat kid," and I have yet to encounter any photographic evidence supporting this. Harry is strong and active and eats small portions of healthy foods. I would rather he look like a beer-league soccer player than a sickly freak.
Harry has at least one molar in. I think his teeth started to bother him again. Accurate diagnosis was complicated by the fact that he got his measles and varicella (chicken pox) vaccinations 5 days before his fever developed. He had a cranky Saturday---well, he tried to play through it. He moaned the whole time he played legos (mega blocks from Billy & Kayla) but he tried to smile. Today he made it to swim class, and enjoyed his bike rides, even though I think he was actually asleep with his eyes closed.
We tried to get him to sleep in the car on the way to Hertz car rental (I'm driving to Raleigh tomorrow). That worked for 10 minutes, but we stopped at Sports Authority so Kevin could get a Lacrosse helmut and he woke up. I hung out with him in the car for a while, and I was able to get him to laugh, but I have to admit in his exhausted state, he somehow looked and sounded a whole lot like Jack Nicholson (think "Here's Johnny!").
The rest of today he spent happily putting animal crackers in and out of a cup, and then doing the same with clovers and blades of grass. He was able to eat a cup of yogurt, and then wash off teh sunscreen in the tub. He was in bed by 6:00 PM. He stopped talking around 6:45 PM.
I hate Monday trips. After a weekend with Harry, I go through withdrawal just at the thought of leaving him overnight. I need to not schedule any more Monday trips.
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