Why I Hate "The Holidays"

Too many different holidays to pick from, and people who get picky and offended if you wish the wrong "Happy... whatever" one. I say if you want to have all of these different celebrations, pick up on a neat little invention called "Observances." Observe your holiday sometime around mid-June when there's nothing else going on. It'll save everyone a lot of confusion and aggravation.

Too many "givers" with ulterior motives. Give someone a gift if you want to. If you don't feel like it, don't. If you'd prefer to make a donation somewhere, make it in your own name... don't take the liberty of doing it "for" someone else. Who's to say that your intentions are the same as theirs. At the same time, don't ride someone for not making said donation if you do. Their prerogative and their intentions are just s valid as yours... not to mention their needs at home.

Too much postage. This time of year suddenly becomes a series of races: the race to get your [insert proper wintertime holiday name here] cards out to everyone you possibly know first (of course, that's after whittling it down to the 2,000 people who made the short-list cut), the race home at the end of the day to see how many of said cards have arrived so you can see how many more cards you got than someone else did, the race from one location to another over the course of the month to celebrate [insert proper wintertime holiday name here].

Weird parties. Too much effort to bring too many people together, who generally are very happy being apart, without offending anyone. Which always ends up being a huge hassle and rigmarole, putting out & offending those who aren't easily offended, and those who we're trying not to offend, tend to be oblivious to the entire situation. What's the mitigating factor tying them all together? You guessed it -- ALCOHOL!

You thought I was going to say Shrimp didn't you...

Why does everything have to get magnified so much over "the holidays?"

The biggest sales, the brightest lights, the Merry-est this, the Chappy-est that... throw on some crappy weather, and cut back on the daily total for hours of sunshine, and you've got a recipe for success.

What a great time of year.

A few things I've made a concerted effort not to be responsible for come this time of year:

Christmas Trees
Kim certainly has her philosophical issues with cutting down a perfectly nice tree and dragging it indoors only for it to become a dry, dangerous, fire hazard for a few weeks, and then throwing it out with the new year's trash not unlike Harry's old diapers. My reasoning is much more pragmatic. Back in the day, or at least as I remember it, I used to be the one stuck with dragging said tree off of the car, in through the house, and then being responsible for: 1) finding the stand, 2) assembling said stand (easier said than done most years), 3) affixing said stand to aforementioned fresh-cut still-sappy tree -- usually with nothing remotely close to the proper tool for the job (whatever tool that may be), and 4) positioning and standing it in place. After years of pine-needle vacuuming, and re-decorating after it decided to tumble over (usually about 5 minutes after the trimming was complete), and now that I've been on my own for a bit, Christmas trees are no longer on my list of Holiday Needs.

Stringing Lights
While many can attest to the fact that we have decorated with lights for at least the last 5 or 6 years, I think it's safe to say that I've done my best to steer clear of the responsibility.

Buying Gifts
It's blatantly obvious that Kim is much more genuinely thoughtful than I am, and if I seem to have weaseled my way into someone's heart as being thoughtful, chances are high that it's purely her doing. As such, she's much better at knowing what's the right thing to say, do, or present someone with at a any time of the year. As with most things around "the holidays," this also, is greatly magnified during the month of December. While I would certainly love to be as thoughtful and insightful as to the wants, needs, likes and dislikes of everyone around us, that's certainly Kim's area of expertise. Why mess with a good thing -- although it does make getting her birthday gift on the 23rd that much harder.

This -- all of this -- is why if I had my way, we'd be home for "the holidays" doing whatever it is that we would do (as we've never accomplished this, coming up with a game-plan may be appropriate first). However, with work & family traditions being what they are, that's highly unlikely.

And so it goes, another "holiday season" will shortly be upon us, as will another weekend of quality time on the interstate, and wondering what Bailey got into wherever she inevitably will end up, and how much the vet bill will be this time -- when ARE they going to allow veterinary care to qualify for Healthcare Flex Spending???

Happy Holiday(s)

> The Grinch.